Why Do I Love You?
by Crystallinee
Summary: Itachi and Sasuke have a dangerous and addictive relationship with one single rule – all or nothing. Will their relationship survive through the hard times? "Love is crazy and hatred is madness. I feel both ways about you, nii-san. That is what makes my passion even stronger." Uchihacest, ItaSasu yaoi, angst.
1. Sweet Sin

**A/N: Well, this is probably the dirtiest fic I've ever written. xD *****hides blushing*  
Lots of smut but also angsty, lovingly, actually having a plot. Enjoy!  
**

**Pairings: ItaSasu**

**Warnings: boyxboy, incest, graphic things, SMUT - You have been warned! xD  
**

* * *

We always used to be so close. Just you and me, together forever.  
I don't really know what happened, brother, but all I know that we're so far apart now.

I thought it always would be the two of us. But something happened...

**3 Months Before**

Closed eyes and heavy breathing… moans and gasps, mixed together in a heavenly symphony of sounds.

"Make me scream."

A smirk. Sasuke was flipped over and he rocked his hips forward, tried to impale himself even further on that stiff member. He rocked their bodies close together, bent down to lick at his brother's lips, connecting them with strings of saliva.

Hands wandering down his body, digging into his slit and gripping his ass cheeks, and he shut his eyes tightly as he came, moaning and screaming loudly.

"ITAACHIIII!…"

"Move, Sasuke…" Sasuke did as told, blinded by the sensations of his repeatedly abused prostate. "Mhmmm…"

Itachi kept his grip around his ass and made him move even faster. Sasuke loved the feeling of his dick, deeper, deeper into him. The pleasure made them delirious.

When they were finished, he collapsed on top of Itachi but didn't slide off his cock.

"Get out from here, fuckers, I'm going to…" Hidan opened the door and shoved them aside from the big bed, dragging some random guy with him. Probably a guy, Sasuke didn't see anything in the darkness of the room.

He felt Itachi's strong arms lift him from the bed and they began put on their clothes again. He gripped his brother's still huge erection as they did it, not satisfied yet.

Itachi groaned and gripped his body tightly, grounded their groins together. "Sasuke..."  
The younger teen wrapped his arms around the elder's neck and moaned into his mouth. Itachi spun them around and pinned Sasuke against the wall as he thrust into him again, enjoying the feeling of his cock being swallowed completely into that tight heat.

_Mhmm, Nii-san is making me and only **me** feel good. No one else. _

Itachi pounded his brother against the solid wall, gripping his hips hardly enough to leave bruises, ignoring the moans and whimpers from the bed in the same room.

"Nii-sahhnnnn…" Sasuke moaned loudly and let himself be completed in the sweetest of ways. Itachi was sweaty, the hardness between his legs trobbing, he couldn't get enough. He reached one hand in front of his brother, gripping Sasuke's strained cock and pumped frantically, made the younger cry out in pleasure and trash his hips forward.

Itachi milked his brother of his seed, licking it of his fingers greedily as he continued to thrust into Sasuke, hitting the spot that made the both of them go crazy. Finally, with a loud grunt, he cummed in Sasuke's ass and rested his body against him, panting.

**xxx  
**

Sasuke made his way up from the cellar into the heated bar room. All visitors, of both genders, was staring at him yearningly. Three girls advanced on him. "Hey, hottie. Wanna come with us?" They tried their best to blow his mind with their daring clothes. He didn't care about them right now, he walked past them as fast as he could with his sore bottom.

The Uchiha made his way over to the desk, catching the bartender's eye and ordered the most alcohol-filled drink he could think of. While he waited, he could hear some men whisper:

"Look at that ass….I'm sure he's good…"

"He's a really naughty boy, they say", some girls giggled, examining him.

The sixteen-year-old boy knew how attractive he was. Sasuke knew that he was the main part in everybody's wet dreams, in their screwing fantasies. Including his nii-san's...

Althoug, it was only Itachi's body he craved for. Only Itachi he really enjoyed being with.

When he got his drink, he poured it into his mouth thirstily, noticing the hungry stares from the people around him. He knew that even heterosexual men wanted him. _Everybody _wanted him, but he only wanted his brother.

Where was Itachi? He said that he would be right back…

Sasuke ordered another drink and felt how his head slowly began to spin as he emptied the bottles whole. But it was only his second drink tonight….or was it his third?

When somebody touched his ass, he didn't slap that person in his face as he used to do. Instead he pushed further, moaned needily and began to grind his hips against a eager, clothed erection.

He didn't even saw the people around him anymore. He reached out for his drink when a strong arm suddenly pulled him away from the one molesting him.

"Sasuke!" a familiar voice hissed. "Your little whore, what are you doing? Are you drunk?"

"Nii-saan…" Sasuke pressed himself to Itachi, ground their erections tightly together.

The elder suppressed a moan, stopped him. "I said, what are you doing?"

Sasuke slurred something that he himself wasn't even able to hear. Everything was just a blur, he couldn't see straight. He heard Itachi growl to the person who had molested him.

"…And if you dare to touch my brother again, I'll kill you!"

"Nii-saaan *hic*…"

Somebody laughed. "Look at that boy! It just makes me want to fuck him senseless…"

Itachi dragged his younger brother into a corner, away from the others.

"Sasuke", he growled. "Why…"

"Nii-san.." Sasuke attached himself to his older brother, humping his leg and whining needily.

"I'm horny…Itachi… take me!"

He knew it would be enough. Itachi crushed their lips together, kissed him as he held him against him possessively.

"Nnggh…Itachi…come on, fuck me right now! Touch me!"

The elder slapped Sasuke's face lightly and looked at him. "Stop being a slut, I mean it. I just care about you, Sasuke. "

And Itachi attacked his brother's throat, began lapping and biting and sucking, accompanied by Sasuke's moans. Itachi pulled him to the floor, ignoring that the people around stared at them. It only made them more horny, they loved to fuck in public. He straddled his little brother and mumbled:

"You make me go crazy, Sasuke."

He pulled up the younger's shirt and began sucking on his hardened nipples, earning eager whimpers from his brother. After a while, he slid his hand under the fabric in Sasuke's pants and wrapped his hand around something hard and wet. The younger teen was soon turned into a puddle of moaning and whimpering.

"Don't be impatient", Itachi told him. He began to pull firmly on his aroused penis, made Sasuke arch his back and shut his eyes close. Soon he felt his brother's hot tongue lick it, slip into the slit a couple of times, and tease the head with swirling motions.

Sasuke moaned loudly, felt his whole body tense and he let out a shaky moan. He released his seed in Itachi's hand, receiving a pleasured smirk from his brother. Itachi licked his softening member clean, swallowing all of his juices.

He looked at Sasuke's face. His face, flushed and heated with pleasure, was so beautiful. It made Itachi want to fuck him breathless… again. He would go mad if he didn't get to feel his brother's walls clenching around him again soon… The thought was making his dick throb with eagerness.

He placed his hands on each side of his brother's cheeks, kissing his mouth over and over again. Sasuke tasted salty cum and sour alcohol. Itachi was so horny now that it felt like his cock was going to explode.

Sasuke was barely conscious by now, sleepy from the orgasm and moreover, dead-drunk. Probably he wouldn't even feel this… Itachi zipped up his trousers, freed his erection from his clothes and entered Sasuke. He grunted and began to thrust into his brother, setting up a fast and hard rhythm.

Sasuke's head moved from side and he whimpered from pleasure. Itachi bent down and hugged him tightly, kissed the sleeping body as he continued to make love to him.

"I love you so much. You're mine. Only mine." And he bit down on Sasuke's already bruised neck and marked him again.

**xxx**

Sasuke woke up slowly, with aching head and infected mouth. It took a great deal of effort to open his eyes, and he realized that he was lying on their messy bed sheets, only dressed in a large shirt, probably Itachi's. Their room looked like always – messy and dark.

He slowly sat up, the world spinning in his head. A strong hand supported his back and a low voice hissed: "Are you trying to get yourself killed before you even are a major? How many liters did you drink?"

"I don't... know", Sasuke muttred, clutching his head in his hands, hungover to the extent that he thought he would die. His stomach suddenly turned inside out and he leaned over, vomiting all over the bed.

He heard Itachi growl. "Sasuke..."

The younger Uchiha was just lying there in the mess, having migraine and being unable to move. Although Itachi was angry he lifted his brother up in his arms and carried his limp body to the bathroom.

He stripped Sasuke of the shirt and put him carefully down in the bathtub, pouring water to a bath. Sasuke's head fell back against the edge of the bathtub, on the verge of passing out.

Itachi kneeled beside him, his voice was softer now. "How do you feel Sasuke? Are you thirsty?"

The teen nodded. Itachi got him a glass of water and Sasuke gratefully sipped at the cold liquid. He perked up a bit, noticing the red and purple bite-marks all over his pale arms, chest and neck. Itachi had marked him as his.

The sour, disgusting smell of his vomit was over his whole body but the elder didn't say anything as he cleaned his little brother. Sasuke felt that his presence was comforting. When Itachi helped him up from the bathtub, he collapsed in his brother's arms.

Itachi gripped his arms to support him and helped him to stand up. He held Sasuke some inches away from himself and examined him.

"Sasuke", he said, looking at his messy brother displeased. "You can't keep this behavior up."

"What? You used to do the same", the younger complained, his forehead wrinkled from his heavy headache.

"Stay in bed the next days", Itachi ordered. "I didn't take you out drinking with my friends just so you would end up like this."

"Hey, they're my friends too!" Sasuke protested, but placed a hand over his mouth when the nausea became to much again. Itachi let go of him and he leaned over the toilet, throwing up his insides.

**xxx**

This was really boring. Sasuke yawned and made his way over to the kitchen to find something to eat. He had been banished to this messy apartment ever since his 'drunk night' and wasn't allowed to leave for a while. Only God knew where Itachi was. The elder was probably out with his or working undercover.

And here was Sasuke, the sixteen-year-old who dropped off school years ago and moved with his brother to this outskirt of town. Sometimes Sasuke really hated this life.

Itachi had told him one day, three or four years ago, that he was going to escape from their parents. He had said that Sasuke could come with him if he wanted to. But the younger would have to choose – follow Itachi and leave their parents behind or stay with them without his brother. Sasuke never asked why Itachi wanted to escape from them but chose to leave them as well and come with his brother. He didn't want a life without Itachi.

And now he was here, wondering what his life was leading to, what it would end up like. He couldn't go back.

When Itachi entered their apartment, the first thing he heard was a moan. Curious, he made his way over to their room and looked in through the open door.

Sasuke was lying on their bed, only wearing an unbuttoned shirt that was about to slide off his shoulders. He was moaning and gasping, grabbing his erect member firmly. It stood proudly, and he hissed as he pumped it faster and faster, his back arching from the bed.

"Mhhhh...ahh..Itachi..I'm-I'm coming-" he gasped.

Itachi smirked, turned on by this. He reached down and unzipped his pants.

"Oh..mhh..yeah...Itachi!" Sasuke's mouth opened, his eyes shut close as he reached completion, calling the name of his lover. The cum spurted from his member, splattered on his stomach and chin. Itachi found this to be so erotic. A second later, he was over his panting little brother, taking of his own clothes.

"Itachi?" Sasuke opened his eyes, shocked. Itachi caressed his brother's skin, which now was healed and flawless again. Begging to be marked by his teeth and no one elses...

He soon was pinned down at the sheets, filled with the heat from his brother. Itachi groaned as he sat up, letting Sasuke sit in his lap as the younger bounced up and down.

_Why_

"Mhh..Itaachi." Sasuke gripped his own cock, rubbing it fast in time with the own slams from his brother.

_Are_

"Sasuke, ahh..." Itachi thrust his hips upwards hard and fast, holding Sasuke's hips still.

_We_

Itachi pounded even harder, giving his brother a earthshaking good orgasm that made Sasuke's scream echo through the walls.

_Doing_

"Mhhh!" Itachi grunted loud and filled Sasuke's passage with his seed. They panted heavily, resting their sweaty foreheads together.

_This?_

* * *

_**To Be Continued**  
_

Well... what do you think?

If you like it, let me know. Thank you for reading!


	2. Possessiveness

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!

* * *

Sasuke wasn't allowed to visit more clubs or bars. But of course he did it anyway as soon as Itachi wasn't at home. Then he could live up to his nickname:"The slut of Konoha". He knew it would make his brother furious, but sometimes he just got the need to defy Itachi – in other words: go out, drink until he passed out and fuck/be fucked by as many people as possible.

Sometimes, thoughts of Itachi could haunt his mind when he was with somebody else, but he pushed it aside. _I only love Itachi. The only body I want is his, his fucking gorgeous horny body -_

But sometimes Sasuke could feel an anger swell up, when the elder wouldn't let him be with somebody else or let him leave the apartment. Itachi said he just wanted to protect him. But it didn't make Sasuke less frustrated. He didn't need to be protected; he wanted a life.

Now they were lying together in the same bed again and Sasuke was reaaally impatient.

"Nii-san!" he whined, trying to wake his brother up. Itachi was sleeping heavily; he had come home late from a party. "Itachi, wake up!"

Sasuke smirked to himself. An exasperated Itachi could be extremely needy, he knew.

Itachi groggily sat up. "Sasuke, what the hell..." In the next second, he had his mouth full of his brother. The teen pressed himself against him and let his hand wander down to his brother's pajama pants. Sasuke rubbed at an apparent bulge there, making his brother fully erect.

"Ahh, Sasuke -" Itachi bucked his hips against his hand, dragging the younger closer so he could place firm kisses in his spiky hair. The elder Uchiha groaned as he felt the hardness between his legs throb, begging for Sasuke's warm, tight hole. It made him just want to grab that horny little ass and fuck the shit out of him. But the younger continued to tease him, wrapped his hand firmly around the big shaft and pulled and squeezed, dragging his fingers through the soft pubic hair. Sasuke licked the pre-cum from his fingers with a horny smile.

It turned Itachi on even more and he felt that possessiveness swell up inside of him. His little brother may be a whore, but in that case he was Itachi's whore and no one else's. And Itachi was going to have fun with him.

Itachi harshly turned him around, pushed Sasuke's chest down in the mattress and parted his legs, enjoying the sight of that sweet little hole that filled him with so much anticipation. He sucked on two fingers hastily before pushing them into his brother. Sasuke moaned impatiently. "Nii-sahn.. ah... put them deeper..."

The elder smirked. It was a matter of time until he would have Sasuke begging constantly like that beneath him, to drive his dick deeper into him, to fuck his brain out. He added a third finger and began scissoring them inside of the younger, earning delicious whimpers from his brother. He growled satisfied when he brushed against Sasuke's prostate, noticing the younger's reaction. The teen's back arched up from the bed and he hissed. Itachi thrusted four fingers deep inside him, brushing against his prostate teasingly every time without give him enough contact. Sasuke groaned at the painfilled pleasure.

"Take..." he gasped.

"Take what?" Itachi enjoyed this.

"Take your..ngh... dick and...fuck me..nhm hard!"

Itachi couldn't wait anymore. Although he had wanted to tease his brother some more, his body was too eager and his mind too impatient.

He grabbed Sasuke's strained cock as he began to push himself into him. Itachi groaned as he felt the tip of his cock be surrounded by the tight heat. Sasuke let out a moan and the elder closed his eyes as he pushed deeper until he was finally seated, his balls against Sasuke's ass cheeks.

"What do you want nii-san to do, Sasuke?" he panted.

"Mhm... ride me Itachi! Fuck me nice and hard! Com'on!"

Itachi happily obliged, set a fast and deep rhythm that shook them from the inside. Sasuke shivered from intense pleasure when his prostate was directly hit. All his cockiness disappeared and the ecstasy took the upper hand. "Ahhhh! Itachi!"

Itachi groaned and began to thrust faster, wanting to get as much pleasure as possible and give as much as he could to Sasuke at the same time. "How can you still be so tight, Sasuke?" he moaned. His brother clenched so delicately around him.

Sasuke thrust his hips back, trying to get as much dick as he could into himself. He always tried to place himself in situations like this, to shut out all other thoughts and feelings. Only when he was fucked properly he could forget himself and become somebody else. And knowing that he was pleasuring his brother made it even better. They had the feeling of sex to feel alive – to Itachi it was a sinful pleasure, to Sasuke it was painful but addicting.

Itachi was now pounding violently into him, both of them liked sex rough.

"Ahhh! Ahhh!" Sasuke's body arched up from the bed everytime his prostate was being hit and he grasped the sheet tightly. "Harder Itachi, God, mhhhhhh..."

Itachi withdrew from him, turned him around and slammed into him again. They were now lying chest against chest, slightly apart since Itachi rose a bit to get a better angle.

Sasuke threw his head back, let the sensations blind him. "Ahh, Itachi, you feel so good- _nnngn..."_

It was obvious for them both that Sasuke was close. He clenched around Itachi and his sounds of pleasure became louder. "_Ahh, __Itachi,_ _AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"_ With a scream of deepest pleasure, Sasuke came violently all over them. Itachi licked some semen from his little brother's chest and drove him even harder. Both of their faces were screwed up in pure rapture. Itachi kept on pounding him hard into the matress before he let out a throaty grunt and emptied himself in Sasuke.

"Mmmm..." Itachi collapsed on top of the younger, too exhausted after coming so hard to move. Sasuke felt his brother's length soften inside of him and the both rode out their sweet orgasms.

"Nii-san.. that was amazing", Sasuke tried to smile cockily, but he was too breathless.

Itachi was still panting. He reached down and kissed his brother. "I love you Sasuke. Never forget that. If somebody else ever touch you Sasuke, I'll rip their heart out and force them to eat it."

**xxx**

The day had passed smoothly and Sasuke actually stayed in the apartment as he was told. Itachi was at home with him and that made it easier.  
Hidan and some of his friends visited them at the afternoon and invited them to a party later tonight. Itachi agreed to come.

Sasuke hurried out of their bedroom where he had been staying. "I want to come too," he said. He wanted to get out of this apartment.  
And he thought about how many people there would be at the party – more people to please and get pleasure from. He knew he shouldn't think like that – Itachi hated it when he did – but whatever? They were one-night stands and nothing more. The younger Uchiha could never get enough.

"No, Sasuke, you'll stay here", Itachi said abruptly.

"Why?" the younger asked angrily. "Itachi, I have full right to go as well! I won't get drunk like last time!"

The elder seemed irritated. He left Hidan and his company at the door and dragged Sasuke with him to their bedroom. "No, you can't come with us", he whispered in his brother's ear. "It's not safe for you; it's my duty to keep you from doing such things."

"Doing what?" the younger hissed.

Itachi sighed. "You're trying to do everybody you meet. I have no intention of finding you somewhere on the highway tomorrow, together with a complete stranger and having vomited all over you. You stay here, understood?"

"I'm sixteen!" the teen shouted. "You can't give me orders, I can do what I want!"

Itachi suddenly pressed him roughly against the wall, kissing him firmly. Sasuke's complains turned into gasps and he moaned into his brother's mouth.

"No you can't, not as long as I am here. Don't take me on, Sasuke. Do as I say", Itachi growled. Sasuke found his rudeness to be nothing but erotic and he tried to get a hold of his brother's private area. Itachi pried himself free from him and stepped out of the room. "You're like a desperate whore all the time", he mumbled as he shut the door and locked Sasuke in.

.

Sex was like a drug to Sasuke nowadays, the pleasure was his source of joy. Since Itachi didn't allow him to be with somebody else anymore and had gone out by himself, the abstinence was torturing the younger Uchiha. He was supposed to be in another night without having any relief but his own. He was tired of masturbation already, when there was much sweeter things to be had. But now Itachi had left him here again.

Since Sasuke himself was cheating so much he usually didn't really care if Itachi was with others but now he clenched his fists in jealousness. He wanted his brother to be here with him. He felt a surprising rage when imagining Itachi fucking somebody else at this instant... which people was he meeting at the party?

The whole night Sasuke laid awake on their messy bed. He didn't make any effort to stop the jealousness that swelled up inside of him. He became angrier and angrier. What the fuck was his fucking brother doing, which fuckers did he fuck?

The raven-haired bit down on his knuckles and drew blood from anger. The whole world had turned its back against him, no one was looking at him anymore.  
He never thought that it would have such a effect on him – that the thought of Itachi driving his dick into somebody else would drive away all sleep and keep him awake.

Sasuke's frustration grew, he thought he would go mad. Was Itachi moaning? Did he feel good when he pounded into somebody else? Sasuke clutched his head and tried to shut out the picture. He really wanted to fall asleep but he couldn't. The anger, the jealousness and sadness haunted him. Itachi groaning, Itachi bringing pleasure to somebody else... and here was Sasuke lying, abandoned and worn.

"FUCK!" he roared towards the ceiling.

**xxx**

The next day he had a horrible headache from his sleepless night. His mind had continued to torture him until dawn, creating more and more vivid pictures of Itachi and his nightly company. Every bit of it had pierced Sasuke like a nail.

Now he was pissed off. He needed somebody to talk with; about the feelings he never could get out, never do something with until they overwhelmed him. And most of all, he needed to get out from this goddamned apartment. He had been locked in here for two weeks straight!

"I'm going to some friends", he said nonchalantly and headed towards the door.

Itachi was at his side in an instant, grabbing his wrist and holding him still. "Which friends?" he said, his gaze darkened.

"Let me go!" Sasuke hissed. "It's not your business!"

_How dare he question me? I didn't ask him about which people he screwed last night!_

Itachi kept his grip until it started aching in Sasuke's wrist. "Tell me", he growled.

Sasuke sighed, like always he felt his defense dwindle. "Naruto and some others."

Itachi let go of him. He didn't interfere when his little brother hurried out through the door and slammed it shut behind him. He stared after Sasuke with blatant possessiveness in his eyes. _Naruto… _that kid would pay.

.

It was late night when Sasuke returned to the apartment. He felt tired but much better inside now when he had got to see his friends. He just wanted to collapse on the bed but his brother stopped him as soon as he entered the apartment.

Itachi's hand gently swept through his hair, over his face in caressing strokes. He leaned closer to kiss Sasuke's nose, let his hand wander further down his body…

And stopped.

Sasuke looked up at the elder and immediately regretted it. Itachi's gaze was black.

"You've been with somebody else", he stated.

Sasuke's breath hitched and he instinctively took a step back.  
Itachi's hand was still placed over the fresh bite marks on Sasuke's neck, bite marks from _somebody else. _ The hickeys were deep and purple in his skin.

"You've…"

"No!" Sasuke exclaimed, panicked.

That was enough to wake Itachi up. "YES YOU HAVE! YOU FUCKED SOMEBODY ELSE! DON'T LIE TO ME, YOUR WHORE! HOW MANY PEOPLE SCREWED YOU TODAY?" he roared.

Sasuke took another step back. "You've been with others too!" he screamed, enraged. "Why can't I when you do it now and th-"

The punch was coming from nowhere, and Sasuke received it with wide eyes. He couldn't remember Itachi ever using violence against him before.

Sasuke gasped and blood was splattering over the ground. Regret flashed in Itachi's eyes and he pinned the younger to the wall, kissing him harshly and thrusting his tongue into his mouth. He tasted the metallic taste of Sasuke's blood. Sasuke struggled to get away, something he had never done before, and it seemed to anger Itachi more.

He had to hit the elder a couple of times before he got free. Wide-eyed and terrified, Sasuke rushed to their room. He heard the heavy footsteps of his brother following him.

Panic-stricken, he slammed the door shut and locked it behind him. His fear was scorning him as he heard Itachi struggle to open the door.

Sasuke hid below the bed, trembling in his whole body.

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

It took some time before Sasuke figured out where he was. He realized that he must have passed out from fear.  
He was still hiding like a scared rabbit underneath the bed. He saw that the door was still safely locked when he carefully peeked out. He took a deep breath of relief.

It wasn't meant to happen, he thought. Naruto and I were talking, he understood me and… it just happened. I know I am a whore, but I had been without it for so long and I couldn't stand it. I don't _love _Naruto. I only love nii-san, but sometimes… I doubt it. He lied to me. He sleeps with other people – though not so often as I – and then he gets mad at me because I do it?

Sasuke carefully made his way out from under the bed. He examined his face in the cracked mirror in the room. He had a swollen lip. It ached a bit but he didn't care.

"Sasuke, please open the door. I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking..." Itachi's voice was soft and pleading. "Sasuke, answer. Let me take care of your wound."

_There's something wrong, I can feel it. I know it._

He loved Itachi so much, but something was really wrong. Itachi was so possessively, so caretaking. It went to exaggeration. That Sasuke only belonged to him…

"Sasuke, please forgive me. I..." Itachi sounded like he was about to cry. Sasuke had never heard that before. He hesitantly stepped over to the door, stared at the doorknob.

"Open the door, I promise I won't hurt you. I will never hurt you again." Sasuke opened the door and stumbled into his aniki's embrace.

_I've been with others… and so have you._

_But none of them loves me. Only you does, nii-san. And I want you to continue love me, but…_

_Sometimes… I hate you._

_But I can't let go._

* * *

_**xxxxxxxxxxx**  
_

_**To Be Continued  
**_

Dear readers, don't be scared off now. xD There will be more smut and brotherly love!

Thank you for reading and don't forget to review!


	3. From The Inside

**Chapter 3: From The Inside  
**

There was something new in Sasuke's life, something he wasn't familiar with. The ripping pain in his chest had been born and it wouldn't go away. He didn't know where it came from, but it was there.

They would never forget the day when Itachi lost his temper.

Itachi had been so regretful afterwards, treating Sasuke's wound and showering him with tender love. Love, more tender than Sasuke ever had recieved before. Itachi had apologized and hugged him. Sasuke had forgiven him. But that new feeling didn't go away.

Sasuke was for the first time feeling guilty for his actions – sleeping with Naruto had been a very bad idea and he knew that it was his fault, not Itachi's. But he didn't let any thoughts corrupt him.

Something changed that day.

Sasuke was never allowed to leave the apartment again. Ever.

**3 months later**

Itachi groggily woke up by a weight on his left leg. The body over his wasn't so innocent even in its sleep – it was easy to tell that his brother had a rather perverted little dream.

Sasuke was still asleep but somehow under the night when they slept intertwined he had managed to get his brother's thigh between his legs. The younger ravenette's forehead was wrinkled from pleasure as he humped Itachi's leg. Itachi suppressed a chuckle at the amusing and erotic sight and let his little brother continue to ride him. It turned Itachi on to feel Sasuke's hard length prodding into his thigh. He could feel his own member swell.

Sasuke's cute little gasps and whimpers turned into moans and he moved more desperately.

Itachi couldn't control himself and grabbed the younger's ass, enjoying the feeling of his soft, yet firm cheeks in his hands. Sasuke's body tensed up above him and Itachi watched intensely, enjoying the show.

"Mhmm...Itachi!" He gasped as he cummed. The elder was even more turned on by feeling the warm seed from his brother all over his leg and abdomen. Sasuke's face relaxed from pleasure and he collapsed on top of Itachi, still sleeping.

The elder flipped them around and looked at his brother's naked body. He let his hands sweep over the pale, soft skin that was only _his _to feel, caress, lick, mark...

_He is mine. Only mine. So beautiful... _Itachi smirked and bent down, kissing and biting Sasuke's torso as his mouth wandered further...

When Sasuke woke up he was in the middle of being fucked. He used to enjoy these kinds of wake up calls, turned on by the thought of Itachi taking advantage of his body no matter if he was asleep or not. But not anymore.

Back then, everything was a blur of sex, Sasuke thought as he was pounded quite violently into the headboard of the bed. Not that he was being screwed less often now, it was just that he saw it clearer.

He saw the spaces between everything. The empty rooms.

The loss of his freedom he could put up with, but other things were harder to handle.

He hadn't seen his friends ever since that day, and he was missing them a lot. And his thoughts, his thoughts that haunted him during the days when he was locked into the apartment were difficult. He knew that Itachi just wanted to protect him but... could one take such drastic measures just to protect their precious love?

Sasuke didn't know what to think anymore. When he would allow himself to think, he would feel like he was living a very one-sided life. He lived for Itachi, for his pleasure and love. He would trade his soul for his brother but it didn't change a thing. The feeling of being a prisoner in his own home was hard to overcome.

He knew he should walk away. But he couldn't get himself to do it.

Sasuke's thoughts returned to the bed he was in. He gasped and held tight onto the elder. "Itachi ngnn..." Their lips connected and Sasuke lost himself again. Itachi trusted just a eagerly his tongue into Sasuke's mouth and the younger moaned.

They were soon finished. With a groan Itachi pulled out and gave his brother a last, quick kiss. He put his clothes on and left the room, heading out.

Sasuke was left on the bed. His chest rose and fell heavily from exhaustion. He always felt so empty, in every way, when Itachi had left. The loss in his heart was stronger than everything. He wished his brother could come back. He slowly sat up. The cum was dripping from his sore ass but he ignored it.

He hadn't made a single escape attempt the last moths. Therefor Itachi didn't lock him into their bedroom anymore. Sasuke knew it would make his brother furious but he decided to leave the apartment for a short while. Itachi would probably not return until night.

The teen quickly searched in the drawers for some clean clothes. Sasuke found some and put them on. They smelled like Itachi. The scent was both arousing but also discomforting somehow. It felt like his older brother was watching him.

Sasuke hurried out through the apartment door. He made sure to lock it carefully. If Itachi by any manner of means would return before Sasuke did, then there would be no tomorrow. But the teen was willing to take that risk.

Soon he was running down the streets, praying silently that none of his brother's friends was watching him.

_I only want to protect you, Sasuke. You're my little brother and I love you so much. Never forget that._

Sasuke stopped in front of a familiar door and knocked.

**xxx**

"So things have gotten worse?" Naruto's voice was troubled.

Sasuke nodded. They were walking down another street, far away from the town. "I don't know what to do anymore. I love nii-san so much that it drives me crazy sometimes, but..."

"What did he do after he hit you?"

"He apologized and hugged me. He was so regretf-"

"It's not quite normal to hold one's lover prisoner", the blonde remarked.

Sasuke put his hands in his pockets. "That's not how it is. He only wants to protect me", he said defiantly.

"Protect you from what?"

The raven-haired looked at his friend with wide eyes. It took some seconds for him to answer.

"W-what do you think, dobe? A-against people who wants to hurt me, o-of course", he spat.

**xxx**

Sasuke squirmed, trying to keep himself upright on his knees as he felt that slick muscle moving in and out of him, adding more pressure by each second. He gasped and panted, grasping the sheets tightly. He felt Itachi caress the bare skin on his back.

"I..Itachi…" He bit his lips and held back a moan, wondered why they were in this situation once again.

"I…I already told you..ahh…Why are we…" Sasuke tried to form sentences but the words just spilled out from his lips in pieces. He tried to separate the blinding pain from the strands of pleasure that wove together through his body.

"Hush, Sasuke." His older brother reached out from behind him. Sasuke could sense his smirk before he grabbed something – the other key to Sasuke's pleasure. Sasuke gasped audibly, supporting his weight with his arms. His reluctant thoughts shut down.

"Ah, Itaachii..mm ah…" He tried to hold back, to not show how much his body appreciated the touch. Itachi rubbed his tense dick intensively. Sasuke clenched around his brother as he came violently, causing the elder to groan and release as well. Shivering from the force of his orgasm, Sasuke collapsed on the bed. The elder collapsed on top of him.

The teen struggled to find words. Itachi spun him around and kissed him passionately. Sasuke moaned into the kiss, forgot all thoughts as their bodies intertwined.

When Itachi finally let him breath, Sasuke whispered: "Nii-san…"

The word tasted strange in his mouth, he rarely used it these days. Sasuke thanked however it was - he had been lucky enough to come home before his brother returned. Now it was early morning and they had their regular love making.

How the hell did we end up like this? Sasuke wondered as he felt Itachi enter him once again, this time in a more lovingly position. The pain… he closed his eyes and let it rip him to pieces. The only thing that held him where he was was Itachi's tender kisses against his flushed flesh and his hands, roaming over Sasuke's body.

Always this – lovingly, rough, lovingly, rough…

It felt like a fire was sweeping over his skin. It burned him from the inside out, every time they touched. But the fire had a sweet side; it tasted sweet despite its heat. It mixed up in Sasuke's mouth – together with the bitter taste of the suppressed feelings and the saltier taste from the cum.

Sasuke didn't want to hate his brother, it was true. But it was hard to know how to react when everything was rapidly changing, all the time.

When they had come down from their high, caused by the ultimate pleasure going through their bodies, Itachi withdrew from him. He reached out and cupped Sasuke's chin, causing the younger to jump and back away a bit, creating space between them on the messy bed.

Sasuke wrapped his arms around his body, feeling miserable and calm at the same time. It was so hard to live. He couldn't stand seeing Itachi walk out of his sight, but sometimes he couldn't stand being in his presence either.

His older brother seemed more controlled. Itachi was calm, satisfied. His eyes were soft. "I love you, Sasuke."

Sasuke rose from the bed tentatively – would Itachi try to stop him, drag him back for some more love making? - but the elder didn't. The teen got a glimpse of his naked body in the mirror when he crossed the room. Seed was dripping down his ass and his length was flushed and red. His neck and chest were covered with love bites. In the reflection of his black eyes, he could see pain.

He had tried. Tried to break free from this. During the three months he had been constantly kept here, he hadn't spent all his time with feeling empty. He had thought. Because he knew that he was better off without Itachi. No matter how much it hurt him, he knew that.

But it hadn't worked.

The first and only time Sasuke had put himself together and left the apartment, he had been stopped by his brother as soon he left the district. Rage and desperate need in the other's eyes stopped him. Sasuke had found himself being slammed to the ground with violence. Then he was wrapped in a tender embrace and his face moistened by Itachi's tears.

It rained that day. But Sasuke still realized that his brother was crying.  
Then he returned home with Itachi, through the rain. "Never do that again", Itachi had said. "You don't know how scared I was, Sasuke."

Now Sasuke was sitting in the messy kitchen, only dressed in one of Itachi's old shirts that was too big for the teen. He looked out through the window at the thunderstorm, remembering that day.

"_Sasuke."_

"_Yes, nii-san?" The twelwe-year-old boy looked at his brother._

"_I'm going to leave our parents."_

_Sasuke's eyes widened. "But... why nii-san? Why would you do that? They're so proud of you..."_

_The elder shook his head. "I'm going to escape." Then his black orbs settled directly on his little brother. "Do you want to come with me?"_

_Sasuke gasped. "Nii-san..."_

"_You have to choose, Sasuke. I love you. If you come with me, you can never see our parents again. But you will be with me. Or you could stay with them..."_

_The young teen clung to his big brother. "You can't leave me, nii-san! I'm coming with you!"_

_Itachi grabbed him and kissed him deeply._

"_Nii-" Sasuke looked shocked at the elder as Itachi kissed him passionately. Sasuke struggled to get free. "Nii-san, I can't breathe-" he managed to say. Finally Itachi let go of him. "Sasuke..."  
He bent forward and hugged the younger tightly as he whispered something._

A sweet fire, a burning love soaked with hate, a desperate need mixed with disgust.

"_You're the only one I love, Sasuke. You're my first and only love."_

Those words had saved Sasuke back then. Now they were suffocating him. But he still enjoyed it.  
The teen rested his head against the table. He remembered when he was out talking with Naruto.

**x**

"Sasuke… maybe you should go talking with a psychologist. It's only to help you…"

"I don't need that!" the black-haired had shouted immediately. "I'm completely sane!"

"But maybe….things would be better for you. I mean, if you got control over your life..."

"No, Naruto", Sasuke had snapped. "It won't change a thing. Nii-san wouldn't even let me go. What if… what if that shrink hurts me?"

The blonde had given him a strange look. "Do you know what I'm starting to believe, Sasuke? You're just as crazy as your brother."

**x**

Sasuke bumped his head against the table, wanting to shut out the pain. He remembered how angry he had been with his friend. He had screamed at Naruto for at least an hour afterwards. How dared he insult Sasuke and his nii-san?

A warm hand suddenly caressed his neck. "Little brother…"

"Nii-san…." A moment later Sasuke had turned around and buried his face in Itachi's shirt. "N-nii-san!" He held onto his brother and cried his eyes out. _Save me from this, nii-san!_

Itachi hugged him firmly. Sasuke found it so comforting to be pressed against that strong and sturdy chest.

"What are you crying for, little brother?"

"…."

"Tell me, Sasuke. I want to know. Did somebody hurt you in any way?"

The teen shook his head frantically. Itachi lifted his chin and stared into his little brother's teary eyes.

"Something hurt you", he said darkly.

"N-n-nothing…"

Itachi looked into his eyes with such a demanding and powerful look that Sasuke felt his resistance become smaller and smaller.

"Naruto", Itachi said, almost inaudible. Sasuke's heart nearly stopped.

"It's about your friends, isn't it?" Itachi's voice was dangerously low. Sasuke was terrified. He knew that one wrong word or indication would make his brother go stark raving mad.

"No, nii-san, I'm sorry, please forgive me!" Sasuke's lower lip trembled from fear. He closed his eyes, waiting for the roar of nasty words and another punch. It never came.

After a while he realized that Itachi had released him. Sasuke opened his eyes.

The elder had turned his back against him. His next statement shocked his brother throughly.  
"You're my precious brother whom I would do anything to protect. But sadly enough, Sasuke, you don't seem to understand how hard it is to keep you safe."

Itachi went into their room and locked the door behind him. Sasuke was left in the kitchen, feeling guilty.  
_Nii-san only wants to take care of me… and I talk about our personal problems with my friends and make such a fuss… I don't deserve to be his brother, _Sasuke thought shamefully. He sank down on the floor, lost in remorse.

* * *

_**To Be Continued**_

**Drop a review? ;)**


	4. Back Off

**Chapter 4: Back Off**

A pale sun was slowly going up over the city, hunting the night away. It shone through the window and casted its light upon the messy apartment. It looked like a disaster area.

On the floor was glass, water and various other things shattered, mixed with overturned furniture. It had been a tough night.

In the big bed were two boys lying. The dim light made them look younger but it couldn't erase the pained expression on their faces. With their backs against each other, lying so far away from each other they could without falling off the bed, they were sleeping.

The younger was restless. He bit his knuckles in his sleep and his face was striped from dried tears. Something was burning in his eyes when he slowly opened them.

They had a fight earlier, he and Itachi.

This time it was about Sasuke's captivity. They had yelled at each other, glass was shattered and everything turned into a mess. Punches were exchanged and messy love making in the middle of everything.

They could never find something to agree on. Always something got between.

"You can't keep me locked in here! It's absurd! I have an own life, I'm not your fucking property!"

Sasuke could even tell the lies by himself. He knew that what he said wasn't true.

Itachi had shouted back: "I'm only trying to protect you! How do you dare to defy me all the time? You're too young to understand which people there is out there!"

"It's called _paranoia_, Itachi", Sasuke had hissed through gritted teeth. His voice grew. "When the fuck will you understand? Are you so fucking stupid that you think every man out there is a sick murderer and pedophile?"

Itachi had moved in a flash. Suddenly he had Sasuke pinned to the wall. He bent down to whisper in his ear furiously:

"You have no idea, baby brother. No idea at all."

_One day, you won't come back. Tell me, what the hell am I to do then? _

Sasuke had tried to punch him, furiously, but the elder gripped his hand and held him still.

"Don't touch me!" Sasuke hissed, squirming. Itachi pressed his lips against his. Itachi had won, as always, immobilizing the younger with his violent love.

Sasuke couldn't let go of this, no matter how strong his hate could burn sometimes. Not only hate for his brother, the hate for himself. Somehow he enjoyed this slow torment. It let him know that he still was alive, that somebody still cared.

"_Why do you think he punched you that day?" _Naruto had said_. "If Itachi didn't care about you he would just shrug and __let you continue doing what you're doing. But his anger meant that he cares so fucking much about what you do, or who you do for that matter.__ He wants to have you by his side, and he would do anything to keep you there.__"_

Sasuke liked to be controlled by Itachi, having his body on top of his, even when there was one of the worst moments in their life. Even when their violent argumentation turned into a passionate mouth-eating and pure fucking, he wouldn't complain.

This was a bittersweet relationship that he wouldn't leave no matter what. It hurt in a comfortable way. Even when Sasuke tried to leave the room and ran for his life, he somehow enjoyed being caught and pulled back.

Sasuke would never fully seriously try to leave Itachi. He loved him too much. But he wasn't in control, not at all.

When their voices raised and the violence was close to surface not only in their words but also in their actions towards each other, he enjoyed licking his wounds and continue. They knew that their love was crazy, both of them were insane, but it didn't matter. As long as they were together, nothing else mattered. They could do anything, survive through everything if they just were together.

They had cried so hard tonight. Now the storm, the tension between them seemed to have calmed down. Everything was a blur in Sasuke's head, he couldn't remember exactly how loud they had yelled at each other, how many times they had punched each other or made love during the night. All he knew was that he liked it.

Somehow.

They had fallen asleep in each other's arms as usual but sometime during the night they had moved away from each other.

Sasuke woke up and remained motionless, staring at nothingness. Then the night's events crashed down upon him. He violently sat up to leave the bed. Itachi was over him in a minute, slamming him down on the sheets.

"Stay here", Itachi growled. "I don't want you to leave right now."

He pinned the younger down quite suggesting and sat on top of him. Sasuke squirmed and shouted, trying to get the elder's body off him.

"Stay away from me!" He spat the elder in his face without thinking and then shoved Itachi off him, running out from the room.

Itachi followed instinctively, wiping the spit from his face. Sasuke ran out of the room and slammed the door shut behind him. It was soon opened and the elder followed him.

"Sasuke! Forgive me, come back!" Sasuke was shoved at the wall. He angrily slapped his older brother in his face over and over again.

Itachi pinned him firmly against the wall with his own body. He kissed Sasuke desperately and the younger seemed to forget everything. He moaned and pulled the elder closer. They shared a deep, passionate kiss.

Itachi gasped and attacked his mouth again, kissing Sasuke deep and sweetly. Their noses touched and Sasuke's hands fell at his side again, motionless.

Soon they were making out eagerly, holding each other tightly and eating at each other's mouths. Tongues swirled in a wonderful rhythm, knees were going in between legs and rubbed. Itachi pushed Sasuke against the wall as he kissed him over and over again, not getting enough of his brother.

The elder lapped and sucked at his neck as he pulled up his shirt. A shiver went down Sasuke's spine as the other squeezed his erected nipples and swept his hands over his smooth chest.

"Mhmm..." Sasuke arched his back and hips in a way that drove Itachi crazy. He spun his brother around and forcefully ground his erection against the younger's ass. "Do you feel this, Sasuke?" Itachi panted huskily. "Do you feel what I'm doing to you?"

The teen let out such a whorish moan that Itachi almost cummed. A moment later he was inside of him. He thrusted eagerly, moaning in sync with his brother. Itachi bent forward and sucked at the other's neck again.

"Do you finally know where you belong, Sasuke?" he mumbled against the younger's skin. Itachi bared his teeth and marked his love.

**xxx**

He was alone. Feeling empty and lost, not knowing where to turn. Sasuke clenched his fists tightly until his palms were bloody. Itachi had gone out again.

The teen stared at his cell phone. Itachi used to call him when he was gone more than seven hours. To check on him, make sure that the younger hadn't committed suicide or done something else reckless in Itachi's absence.

Sasuke stared intensively at the phone.

Itachi hadn't called yet.

It had been a whole day since he left and Sasuke's madness was clear in the air.

_Call me, for fucks sake! Or are you busy… with somebody else?_

Thoughts that used to haunt him were surfacing again.

**xxx**

_I wish I knew… what to do from the start.  
Should I have __stayed with our parents? How would our lives have looked then?_

I couldn't think about it. I couldn't see some other way. Was nii-san lying when he said that he loved me? Will I ever know?

I wasn't sure if I knew him anymore. Love always fucking hurts. There's no way around it.

I stared into the wall and tried to find a way out of this. I had done it so many times, spent endless hours of staring. My eyes didn't even hurt anymore. Now I was standing in our bedroom, unable to move.

I felt the hope inside of me slowly die. Itachi wasn't going to call, not this time either.

That was when I passed the edge. Tears flowed from my eyes and I sank down against the wall, shaking. I cried and cried, not knowing what to do. I sobbed violently, drowning in my tears.

What happened to the times when we made love tenderly, when he looked into my eyes and told me he loved me so sweetly? What the fuck happened to all that?

_I'm starting to believe that you are just as crazy as your brother. _Fuck that Naruto.

What the fuck did he mean with that? There's nothing wrong with my aniki …

Naruto had given me old newspapers last time I visited him, newspapers from before I moved to this town. I had thrown them in his face, refusing to listen to his words.

He had said things about crimes. Crimes that my brother had committed. I had thrown a full-blown fucking tantrum but somehow Naruto managed to get me to keep the newspapers. Now they were shattered on the ground beside me.

I had been so fucking stupid. I should've hold on to Itachi, only him. I should never have looked at somebody else, nobody else at all. It hurt inside and I wished that I was never born.

I remembered the first time I looked into his eyes, the certainty I saw there. Only he and me, nobody fucking else. Itachi had placed his arms around me and kissed me so tenderly that I thought that heaven would continue forever. Me and my brother.

I guess I participated quite eagerly to destroy it… what we had. And what we still have, somehow, but it's more than destroyed now.

I hate him. I love him. I'm obsessed and disgusted with him. I can't stand being apart from him but I don't want to be close to him either.

It should be forbidden to be so fucking confused.

I finally had the strength to pick up the old newspapers. The headlines burned my eyes. I read what it said, but my mind refused to connect it with my knowledge. People had been murdered or badly injured after fights at nightclubs. It was common, nameless cases with drug dealers and such. I didn't read a fraction of it. But I still knew that my brother had been involved.

It hurt.

Suddenly it didn't seem so strange why Itachi would want to leave our family.

But he took me with him. Because he couldn't be apart from me, he couldn't deal with the knowledge of never seeing me again. He loved me too much.

And that was why I ended up here, a defect whore without a proper life or thoughts.

I covered my face in my hands and just cried. The room was dirty and smelled bad, I was dirty, both on the inside and the outside. I couldn't remember when I last changed my clothes or took a shower. I could seriously not care less.

I wanted Itachi's arms around me now, comforting me as he always used to. The tears burned in my face, I just let them out. No words, nothing could ease my sorrow and my pain.

I hugged myself tightly and felt so fucking crushed inside. I pretended that my brother was holding me, rocking me gently. I crumbled to a ball on the floor and continued my anxiety attack.

These three months had really changed me. I wanted to die.

* * *

**xxx**

I suppressed my thoughts and another tear. I never let them out. I ordered another drink and covered my face with my arms, resting them on the counter.

"Here you go, Itachi", the bartender said. I knew him. I knew everybody in this town.

Deidara swilled his fifth drink next to me. "Hey, cheer the fuck up, weasel! You never used to be this down, un!"

On the other side of Deidara Hidan was lying flat against the counter, muttering something about Jashin. He was dead-drunk.

"Is there something wrong with that brother of yours, un?" Deidara asked carelessly. He humped his chair as he drank.

I gloomily took a sip of my double-strength bock beer. I knew I must look horrible. I was skinnier than usual, my eyes were red from lack of sleep and alcohol. My hair was hanging loose and unwashed around my face. This recent events with Sasuke were affecting me deeply, and I knew they knew it too.

I mean, every one of my friends had slept with my little brother. My whore of a brother whom I locked into our apartment for good was not a secret directly.

I had no emotions left anymore, everything was so fucked up. My love for Sasuke was burning but mixed with an ice-cold hate for everyone else who had touched him. It placed almost every villager on my black list, but I didn't care.

What the fuck happened with us? Everything was perfect. Sasuke was just mine and suddenly… suddenly he had engulfed every dick in the town, to be blunt.

I pressed my forehead to the counter. I got lost in my thoughts and ordered a new drink after another. Soon I was so drunk that I couldn't see straight anymore.

It was the only way to shut it out.

Everything was wrong. The only thing that kept me where I was was Sasuke. No matter how furious he made me sometimes, I knew that he would always be the only one who held my heart. He was mine, and only mine to protect and care for.

Soon all of my friends had passed out on the counter. I let my loose hair fall over my face and shield me from the outer world. I suddenly heard some other men talk. My eyes automatically turned red when I heard them.

They were talking about Sasuke.

"That whore sure is good, I know many people who have fucked him. Too bad he has disappeared now, I heard somebody say that he was being locked in by some sick bastard..."

I rose from my chair so violently that it tipped over behind me. A second later I was beside the man who was talking. I gripped his shirt roughly and lifted him up. Sharingan eyes met horrified ones.

"Maybe somebody has to take care of him", I growled. "Go back to your wife instead of fucking whores", I spat. Venom laced every word. I was enraged and the spinning feeling in my head made it only worse.

I slammed the man to the ground violently. I banged my fist in his face over and over again. The men around me got up and tried to get me to stop but most of them were too drunk to really be able to do anything. The hate filled my veins and gave my aching muscles strength. I punched him rapidly so the blood was spurting all over the floor, him, and me.

I smirked madly as I crushed his nose. The man screamed and cursed.

Perfectly. Nobody talks like that about my brother.

The bartender rushed over to us. In the dark room there were a lot of people, most of them were drunk and even more had passed out. He shouted at me but I didn't pay attention to anything else than the unfortunate man below me.

At first when the red anger had disappeared I rose. The other men backed away from me and I growled quietly.

I turned around and there, at the door, was Sasuke standing. He looked upset, teary. I made my way over to him and pressed him protectively against me. "Don't worry, baby brother."

The bartender sighed despondently. "Get out from here", he told me.

I left the bar without a word, still covered with blood from the man I abused. I dragged Sasuke with me and he didn't protest. When we came out on the street, finally able to breathe the clear air again, I turned towards him.

I was too drunk to even care what was happening now. Too drunk to be angry again, to ask why the hell he wasn't in our apartment. All I knew was that he was tugging at my jeans and whined. I growled lustfully. That fucking whore. If he wanted to be fucked so badly, then he wouldn't have to wait long.

I threw my jeans off and pushed him against the wall. Sasuke moaned and spread his legs eagerly. I ripped his annoying trousers off and then he was all mines again. He wore no underwear, of course. Neither did I.

I pushed my hard length into him without further thoughts and groaned. Sasuke gripped my shoulders tightly.

I began thrusting immediately, setting up a hard and fast pace. I pounded him into the wall and he grabbed his own stiff member and stroked himself at the same time.

Angry grunts were bleeding into the cold night air as I fucked him. Finally I came inside of him, groaning loudly. Sasuke moaned and came as well, dampening my shirt with his sticky essence.

Satisfied but barely conscious I managed to put on my pants again. Then I passed out.

* * *

**Review? ^^**


	5. Stained

**Chapter 5: "Stained"**

**A/N: Thanks for all reviews!  
**

* * *

Sasuke avoided Itachi's gaze. The elder tried the harder to catch it.

"Sasuke…"

The teen turned around and walked into the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. Itachi didn't follow him. He clenched his fist. He wasn't going to give in, but why did Sasuke have to make it so damn hard? Itachi was left, staring at the door. He ignored his body's desire to follow his brother and forced himself to stand still.

All their memories were clear in his mind, all things they had done and what was left.

It hadn't been so bad between them for some days; they hadn't fought or yelled at each other at all. But still, the temperature between them was like an ice storm. Except at night, when the heat of a burning volcano was between them. It overboiled and spilled hot lava over their woke up entangled every morning, feeling the coldness surround them again.

_When did we lose all contact? We used to be inseparable… _Itachi sighed. _Sasuke, why are you doing this to me? Please, look into my eyes again. I feel so lost. You've refused to look at me for five days. I am going insane…_

"Sasuke, I'm going to work", he said softly. He approached the closed bedroom warily.

No answer.

"Sasuke…"

"Go away and never come back!"

_Itachi, if you leave, I'm going to die. _

_.  
_

Sasuke threw himself at the bed and buried his face in the soft pillow. It was just another day in this nothingness, nothing special.

He remembered another time. No matter how crazy it could seem, he had also been innocent one day. Innocent. Pure. Oblivious of what things there were in this world. When he was just a child, helpless and small. He wanted to grab that time, but he couldn't reach it. He wanted to purify himself. He knew pain and selfishness, he knew jealousness and evilness. The light had been gone for so many years.

He had done many bad things since he moved here, but somehow he had thought that everything would be okay sooner or later. He thought that his love to Itachi would make it fine. It didn't. But when he closed his eyes, if he tried really hard to recall it, he could sense a faint shadow of the world he wanted to live in. Where there was no need for all the bad things.

In that world, he would be together with his nii-san forever. There was the sun always shining, the sky was clear and blue. There were no crimes or temptations. No sadistic people who wanted sex rough or for payment. No sex at all. But that was not a problem; there was the pure, unconditional love ruling. Connecting people, attaching them to each other. There was no bad desire.

That was Sasuke's dream. He never had experienced it. If it only could come true… Here he was stuck in himself. Sometimes he wanted to just leave, leave this world. He had made so many mistakes.

It took a while before he moved. He slowly sat up, listening for sounds in the perfectly quiet apartment. Itachi had left.

Sasuke dragged his body into the hallway, looking around. Fuck. His body was already craving for the familiar touch, the familiar intrusion in his body… He closed his eyes.

_Itachi, dammit! You horny, fucking, sexy, cruel, wonderful being! Why are you doing this to me? Come back and take me!  
_

Sasuke needed to get out. Right now. It didn't matter if he had to run to a whore house. He just needed to still his desires before he went crazy. His body was screaming, craving, desiring… it was almost too much. But he rarely was together with whores; he thought that it was disgusting. Those women were pitiful beings that he tried to not come near.

Shit. The teen clutched his head in his hands. He almost stumbled over something when he took a step forward.

A tray placed on the floor, candle-lights beside his favorite food. Sasuke swallowed.  
Itachi had made him breakfast. It was a rare sign of affection that the teen had really missed.

Sasuke sank down on the floor, forgetting his desire for a moment. The candles gleamed welcoming at him. Suddenly he felt so horribly alone. He hadn't thought about it before.  
He slowly began eating as he got lost in thoughts. Now he felt much better. He actually smiled a bit to himself.

The first time he and Itachi were together _that _way… Sasuke was young and inexperienced. He had been nervous. No, almost afraid. It was a new experience in so many ways, to be that close to the one he loved. But then, when they climaxed at the same time… they had become _one_, together. The ecstasy had gotten the best of them and turned his worries into dust. It felt good, and when they did it together… they became one. It was hard to recall that feeling afterwards but a shadow lived in his memory.

Sasuke rose from the floor, not feeling hungry. He left the tray on the floor as he looked around in the apartment. The memory had given him strength.

The balcony door was locked, only Itachi had the key. The windows were locked as well. A safety measure in case Sasuke would feel too miserable at home.

The front door's lock was changed so it was only able to lock or unlock from the inside if you had the key. Which Sasuke didn't, of course. He was literally a prisoner in their home, with no possibly escape routes. Itachi had only left him a fire extinguisher in case of a fire, the teen thought bitterly. The smoke would kill him anyway, because he didn't even have a chance to open the windows. Air conditioning couldn't do everything.

But Sasuke had managed to circumvent his prodigy of a brother. He wasn't going to spend his whole life here, cook food and clean the house as some fucking housewife.

Nope. (Not that Itachi forced him to clean or cook; but Sasuke's life possibilities weren't different). In the bottom of his lowest drawer he had hid a small piece of wire. He made his way over to the front door. An old trick, but the damn door that he used to kick over again and again when he lost control was just as old. Sasuke put a bit of the wire into the lock and started to winkle. He had to try a while, sometimes it could take two hours before he got the door open, but it was well worth it as soon as he was free.

A soft 'click' was heard and the door slid open. The boy closed it behind him and put the wire into his pocket. Then he rushed down the stairwell and out on the street. He breathed deeply. Finally free.

.

Sasuke moved on the streets, wandering further and further. He enjoyed his freedom. He had no money so he couldn't buy alcohol nor sexual satisfaction, but it didn't matter. The most important thing was that he could breathe clear air again, move as he pleased and see other human beings. Not many of them recognized him, he wasn't wearing the same slutty clothes as he used to. Instead of a shirt that was cut in the middle and revealed his chest, he wore a plain t-shirt and ordinary pants.

He remembered walking here several months earlier, before his imprisonment. He had hung out with some random guys and and stole beer from a store. And one night he stepped up on the catwalk in a nightclub only wearing a stark red mankini. The audience went crazy with excitement, Sasuke loved their attention and Itachi had gone completely mad. But it was worth it.

Sasuke had been a unusual wild teen, always seeking for attention. Preferred by older men. But after this isolated time he could feel how everything began to return.

He spotted a gang of older men on the street before him. He kept on walking, fearless in his position and during this time of the day. They recognized him almost instantly. They started scream nasty things to Sasuke and give him dirty looks. The teen got a kick out of this. He dared to actually step a bit closer and gave them just as naughty looks. He loved the recognitions, when they called him sexy and hot. The slut of Konoha was back.

Sasuke could hear Itachi warn him and shout at him in his head, but pushed the thoughts aside. Itachi wasn't here now; there was nothing he could do. The younger Uchiha was going to prove that he could do whatever he wanted. But his outbreak had some limits. He wasn't going to bed them. He didn't feel like being fucked at all right now. At least not by strangers.

Sasuke was about to walk past the men when one of them grabbed his shoulder and halted him. "Hey, hottie, come with me", he breathed. He smelled alcohol.

The teen shook his head. "No, some other time, guys." The men grinned at him and stepped closer. "Why not? Show us that sexy body of yours." They laughed coarsely.

Sasuke glared at them. He didn't feel like playing whorish.

"You wanna know what I got? Sure. My fists are_ warm_ and _tight_ and just imagine how they will _feel_ when they hit your FACES!"

He turned abruptly around but they grabbed his arms and held him still. "What's wrong all of a sudden? Don't play cocky, you whore!"

"Don't be like that, sugar", another man chuckled. "We'll have so fun…" The five men was now surrounding the boy.

Sasuke struggled to get away; he was now actively trying to get free. "Stay away from me", he hissed. He looked around but realized that he had wandered far away from the main street; they were alone in a small alley-way.

They stepped closer and suddenly Sasuke was shoved to the ground. The men laughed and panted, ripping his clothes off. The boy struggled and kicked, desperately trying to get them off him. "What the hell!" he gasped.

Somebody sat on top of Sasuke and a hard dick was violently pushed into his ass. He had no time to think or react before his sight was clouded by another man. Somebody was sitting over his face. The men had also taken off the most of their clothes by now. Their anticipating breaths and laughter filled the air.

Sasuke squirmed and tried to get free but was pushed down again. He gasped when a tense cock suddenly was shoved down his throat. He gasped desperately for air as the man above him pushed deeper and deeper. At the same time somebody was brutally abusing his ass. The teen wasn't prepared or anything; he would gladly have admitted that it hurt like hell. If he just had enough air to breathe, that is.

The thick, pulsing organ went far down his throat. It was going to suffocate him. The boy gagged and squirmed but they held his arms still. Loud grunts were heard from the people who used him.

Sasuke panicked now. Even though he'd done various things with his nightly company nothing could compare to this. Being brutally raped on the street wasn't exactly what he was used to. Itachi was much gentler when it came to sex.

Tears filled Sasuke's eyes and he struggled for breath. What had he gotten himself into?

The man above him moaned and rocked his hips, forcing his dick to the end of Sasuke's throat. The latter wanted to throw up.

The panic was ice-cold. _Putyourdickoutofmerightnow_

_I_

_CAN'T_

_BREATHE!_

_ITAAAAAAAAAACHIIIIIIIIIIII!_

Not a word escaped Sasuke's lips, but mentally he was roaring, screaming his lungs out. It felt as if he was being ripped apart. Now two men were fucking his ass. It felt as he was being stabbed when they mercilessly drove into his tight hole. The man above his face finally cummed, his balls slapping Sasuke's face as he filled his mouth with seed.

The teen's eyes widened and the suffocating feeling was so strong that he thought he'd die.  
Where was his brother now? If Itachi was here, he would have killed them. But Sasuke had defied his brother and thrown his protection away. Again.

Other men took advantage of the boy's squirming and arching naked body, digging nails into his pale flesh and marking him. Sasuke felt his ass be filled with more cum and they took him over and over again. He started to bleed in his ass, it burned like fire. The one above him pulled finally out. The teen turned around as if his life depended on it. He spat desperately, feeling horribly sick.

Somebody had a knife, Sasuke didn't care. It was first when somebody cummed over his face everything reached a limit.

He opened his eyes and finally started to scream.

**xxx**

**.  
**

He didn't know how or when it stopped. He was barely aware that he dragged himself home, putting his clothes on the best he could. He moved like a zombie up the stairs and burst into the apartment. The rest was a blurry daze. Sasuke didn't understand what he was doing until he found himself rushing to the bathroom again. He hovered over the toilet and vomited. He still had the sticky taste of cum in his mouth and he hated knowing that he had swallowed much of it.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"_When the fuck will you understand? Are you so fucking stupid that you think every man out there is a sick murderer and pedophile?" _

"_You have no idea, baby brother. No idea at all."_

Sasuke got up and searched for something in the bathroom closet. He found something he hadn't touched for a very long time. But he hadn't forgotten. His hand closed tightly around the razor blade.

He pressed the blade against his wrist. A stinging pain; he pressed harder. The soft skin pierced and the blood welled up, dark red and smelling metallic. That pain overwhelmed the one in his heart right now. It felt so good. Just physical pain, nothing else. He could shut out his thoughts.

The teen gritted his teeth as the blood flooded. A drop landed on the floor, then another. Sasuke stared in a daze at the floor that became redder and redder. The pain in his wrist was cruel by now. He suddenly trembled a bit and the razor blade fell to the ground.

He felt so sick… He took a step forward and the world seemed to spin. He was falling…

Down, on the ground. His body hit the floor with a thud and it was finally over.

.

_They laughed, smiling with joy. Itachi bent down and kissed him as he sipped on his champagne. Sasuke blushed a bit. "Nii-san…"_

_The elder caressed his cheek lovingly. "We must celebrate that we finally are together, Sasuke. Nothing can bring us apart anymore, I promise."_

Sasuke leaned over and hugged his brother tightly. He nuzzled the elder's neck affectionately and placed small kisses on his skin.

"_Little brother, I love you." The thirteen-year old boy looked up at Itachi. Their lips connected, they kissed each other so sweetly. Itachi put his glass down on the table and entangled his fingers in Sasuke's hair. They started making out eagerly, ignoring the other guests at the restaurant. They got some funny looks, but why care?_

Sasuke's cheek was red and burning and he was panting when he pulled apart from his brother. They looked each other deeply in the eyes. 

"_I will always be with you, Sasuke." The younger rested his head against Itachi's strong chest. "And I will always be with you, nii-san."_

_.  
_

Sasuke shut his eyes closed tighter, slowly regaining consciousness. His hands examined the fabric he was lying on, his fists clenched the sheet. He felt strange. His mouth was bone dry and he was in pain in several parts of his body. It didn't take long to realize his headache and sore ass. It really hurt.

Did I get drunk and passed out again? he wondered. Shit, where am I?

He finally had the strength to open his eyes. They widened instantly and he took a deep breath. How the hell was he going to explain? Masochist? Suicidal? Depressed teen?  
Good luck, Sasuke. Damn it, he shouldn't have…

Itachi was leaning over him, staring at him. His black eyes were filled with a hurricane of emotions. Relief, fear, sadness, anger, shame, guilt, affection, empathy. Sasuke's stomach muscles tightened more and more as he read his brother's expressions.

What was to be said?

Itachi grabbed his bandaged wrist gently. Sasuke moved his gaze to the other side of the room; the guilt was too strong in his own eyes.

"Sasuke…"

"I'm sorry", the teen whispered and his eyes overflowed with tears.

"Look at me, please." Itachi's voice was unusually low and strained.

Hesitantly, Sasuke turned his gaze to meet his brother's. And there it burst.

They hugged each other tightly. Itachi leaned over him and Sasuke reached up from the bed, placed his arms around his brother's neck to hold him firmly in place.

"Please, Sasuke. Never scare me like that again", Itachi mumbled. The younger's tears flooded as he buried his face against his big brother's neck. All untold emotions lingered around them in the air. Now it felt so sweet. It was several months since they last did something truly lovingly.

_Every time I think it's over between us, you do something that makes my heart melt and return to you without any doubts. You make me weak again, but you also give me strength. I always give in. Everything feels better right now, as long as you are here, nii-san. I would truly die without you._

"I'm sorry", both of them whispered in unison. Itachi placed gently kisses on his brother's chin, cheeks, nose, forehead and temples.

The storm was over. For this time.

* * *

.

**To Be Continued  
**

**A/N: It was a new, not particularly fun experience to write rape :c Anyway, art requires sacrifices xD Review?  
**


	6. Remorseless

**6: Remorseless**

**Thank you for the reviews! :)  
**

* * *

Itachi had been so shocked when he came home and found his baby brother lying unconscious on the bathroom floor. He realized that he had underestimated Sasuke. How could he ever let that happen? He couldn't leave his little brother on his own anymore.

Sasuke was sitting in the old leather sofa in their living room, staring into nothing. He vaguely wondered what their parents were doing right now. Oh, fuck it; he would never see them again. The teen gnawed on his thumb nail and wondered if he should try to seduce Itachi when his cell phone suddenly vibrated.

Sending an irritated look towards Itachi who looked possessive and angry, Sasuke picked up: "What?"

"Hey, Sasuke, what's up?"

"Nothing."

Naruto suddenly sounded troubled. "How's going with… you know…"

"My brother? It's fine, Naruto." Sasuke's voice was sharp.

In the other end of the room, Itachi's eyes flashed red.

"Dude, I'm sorry 'bout what I said 'bout you and Itachi… Has something more happened?"

The younger raven-haired was annoyed. "You're not my therapist, stop acting like that. I don't understand why you would care. Everything is _just _fine."

Naruto sighed. "It clearly doesn't sound like that. You don't fool me, Sasuke."

The black-haired was suddenly insecure. "Well…"

"Well what?"

Itachi rose from his chair. He stepped over to Sasuke.

"Itachi!" the teen called out when his brother tried to take the phone from him.

"What?" Naruto wondered.

"Let me talk to him, nii-san! No, you can't-"

"Sasuke? Are you still there?" the blonde wondered.

"…"

"Hello? Sasuke?"

"I can't- "

The phone was abruptly snapped from Sasuke's hands.

**xxx**

"Strange", Naruto muttered, "he hang up."

"Who were you talking to?" Sakura asked and sat in her boyfriend's lap.

"Sasuke."

She scowled. "Sasuke Uchiha? _He _of all people? I've heard the rumors. What –"

"He is just a friend of mine", Naruto calmed her and gripped her restless hands. "We've known each other since we were little."

"That's strange", she remarked."Well, what's the problem with him? I'm sure it can't be too serious for somebody like _that_."

"Sakura –"

"Do you remember when he protested for whores' rights or" - the pink-haired shuddered - "showed up on a nightclub only wearing a mankini? That was horrible. He is a hell of a kid. He has sunken far too deep for your concern, Naruto."

"He is very confused", the blonde interfered. "No matter his sins, he's still my friend. He has problem with his brother…"

Sakura turned around and faced her boyfriend, still scowling. "Now I remember. The sin didn't end with _him_. I've heard people talk. Sasuke lives together with his older brother, Itachi Uchiha. And… everybody say they have an incestual relationship."

"You didn't hear wrong, Sakura", Naruto said. "And that's why I need to help Sasuke."

"That's ridiculous, Naruto! I don't want you to involve in that!"

"Why not?"

"I've heard about Itachi Uchiha as well. He is not 'anybody'. His rumor is almost as bad as Sasuke's. He might seem calm, but when Itachi gets angry people get hurt or even killed!"

"I don't believe in that, Sakura. Listen to me. Sasuke can't handle their relationship on his own. I think he is depressed. It's clear how much he loves Itachi but –"

"Naruto! You don't understand! This is exactly the problem! You can't interfere!" She was getting upset. She looked at the other with fear and anger in her eyes.

"Every time Itachi Uchiha loses control in public, which happens now and then, it's all because of _him_. Because somebody have hit on, touched or just even _talked _about Itachi's little brother!" Her voice softened and tears filled her fear-stricken eyes.

"When people get hurt or killed… it's _always _because of Sasuke."

**xxxx**

Sasuke giggled softly. "Nii-san… stop that, it tickles." The elder had his arms around him and placed soft kisses on his neck. "Sasuke…" Itachi mumbled huskily and bit down. The teen squirmed a bit when his neck was tickled in the faint pain.

A moment later the elder pulled back. "Enough."

Disappointment was soon replaced by anticipation in the younger's face. He attached himself to his brother and started to kiss him, touch him and whisper very inappropriate things in his ear as he dragged him into the bedroom. The phone was lying forgotten on the couch. Itachi tried to pry himself free from his brother. He knew what he would have to do.

But first there were other things to take care of. For example, the lust that was clouding their minds. He wanted to beg Sasuke to stop. But of course, the damn boy just _had_ to tease him to madness.

"Itachi!" Sasuke's voice was mixed in the usual mix of whining and seduce. "Take me right now! What are you waiting for? Com' on! Itachi!"

So many times the elder had given in, finding himself deliciously unable to control himself when Sasuke went like that. His smaller, desiring body, his begging eyes, the plump, parted lips saying such naughty things, his curves.

Itachi bit his lip. Not now! He tried to mentally suppress an erection but it was hopeless. Sasuke had caught a glimpse of the look in his eyes and he totally went for it.

"Just imagine how good I will make you feel!" the teen whined. His naughty hands found their way to the elder's pants and started to caress between his legs.

Itachi took a step back. "Stop it, Sasuke", he grunted. But who was he lying to, really? The desire could be heard in his voice and seen in his eyes. Sasuke had him where he wanted. The younger smirked sexily, knowing that. Let's see how many seconds Itachi Uchiha would stand before he gave in and fucked his brother senseless?

Sasuke moved closer. His hips met Itachi's and started to rub. "You know you want it", he whispered and traced his fingers over the other's waistband.

The elder was torn between desire and other things that needed to be done. Sasuke saw his doubts and decided to play all his cards.

"Think about it, nii-sahn." He smirked. "How warm and tight my ass is, how it will feel when you're inside of me…" Itachi couldn't suppress a groan at the thought. Sasuke was totally shameless and he always used it to his advantage. "I'm open and waiting for you, you know. Imagine how tight I will squeeze your dick as you move deeper and deeper…" He chuckled a bit.

"And how I always can stay so tight, regardless of how many times we've fucked… And how hot I am, how hot my ass will feel. If you don't have the courage to bed me right now, I guess I'll go masturbate on my own and think about all the other people that have…"

Itachi growled. A second later the teen was pinned down at the bed.

Sasuke smiled triumphantly and licked his lips. "So you give in already, nii-san? I knew you were just as needy as I -" He choked on a moan when his brother ripped his shirt off with his teeth.

"Damn it, Sasuke", Itachi muttered. He panted as he ground his painful erection against the younger's. His little brother was already arching his hips and moaning, fully erect as well. "Ahh, nii-san… Just show me how horny you are!"

They were pressed chest against chest, gasping. Clothes were thrown aside, anticipation filling the air like sparks of electricity. The elder bent down and kissed Sasuke deeply. He was always unable to resist. Sasuke was like a drug for him.

"This must come to an end", Itachi panted. "This is the last time we ever…"

"You said that yesterday night too", Sasuke mumbled and spread his legs, giving his brother a full view of all he had to offer. Itachi trust in, letting his instincts rule again. He closed his eyes, moaning at how good it felt.

"This is the last time, Sasuke."

The younger's gaze was cold when he for a moment looked up. "You don't have the strength to end it", he said.

Itachi buried his face against his brother's neck and nodded reluctantly as he went deeper, deeper. "You will be my death, Sasuke."

"And you will be mine, for sure. Now shut up and fuck me."

They would be the downfall of each other, and they knew it for sure. They were connected so delicately, if one string burst the other would do too, no matter what. They panted heavily, kissing each other over again in a messy rhythm that was connected with Itachi's fast, hard thrusts.

They were so passionate, like a fire every touch burned. They caressed each other, panted. Gasps and moans filled the air. Sasuke met his brother's thrusts with his hips in time to receive extra much pleasure.

Itachi had given in a long time ago; he was now just as eager as the younger. He didn't think anymore. He just did what his body wanted and fucked Sasuke deep into the mattress. The climax was starting to feel in his spine. He shifted his hips in the suffocating warmth he was being sucked into and groaned.

"Mmmh, nii-san…ahh, shit, I'm coming! Ah—feels so fucking good!" Sasuke's head was thrown back in a wordless scream of ecstasy, his cheeks flushed. His back arched even higher from the bed and he let out a scream as he came, hot semen splashing on the elder's chest. Itachi moaned loudly as he shot his load into his brother.

Panting heavily, he sank down on Sasuke's chest. The younger raised a sweaty hand and pulled it through Itachi's damp hair affectionately. "Itachi", he mumbled. "I love you, in spite of everything."

The elder lifted his head and looked at him for a moment, still without pulling out from the sweaty body beneath him.

"Little brother…" Itachi let his head fall down again and he felt Sasuke's lips on his forehead. Fast heart beats, breathing in sync. He wrapped his arms tightly around the younger body and their bodies rolled over in the bed. They were so tight entangled as it was possible, gleaming with sweat and surrounded by the smell of sex. They fell asleep, lips against lips, their bodies connected through flesh.

**xxxx**

With a groan Sasuke slowly woke up. He was lying tucked in in the warmness of the sheets and before he even had opened his eyes he felt that Itachi wasn't lying beside him.

The teen felt a horrible feeling of loss, not only because of the lack of dick in his ass. He rubbed his eyes like a child and sat up. "Itachi? Nii-san?"

Had he already left? He didn't work today… Sasuke sighed. His brother was always away.

He closed his eyes as his hand felt its way down to its own need. At first when he was lying gasping and arching on the bed after climax he allowed himself to think again.

Itachi was always so possessive these days, the ravenette thought as he put on his clothes. Even when Sasuke just talked with Naruto on the phone he had seen his brother's eyes fill with jealousness, almost malice. It bothered the youngest Uchiha very much. Didn't Itachi understand that Sasuke only loved him?

The teen pulled out his phone and called his brother. No answer. It wasn't particularly surprising but Sasuke called again and again. It didn't really matter if his brother picked up or not; he knew that he wouldn't but why not tease Itachi some more? Even if the elder came home later and was pissed off because his little brother had left a truckload of desperate, horny and begging messages on his phone.

Suddenly Sasuke noticed that the elder actually had honored him with a text message before he left. He read it, and the world started to spin backwards.

The teen's mouth dropped open and his phone fell down on the floor.

It couldn't… No. Itachi wouldn't do something like that. Madness. Sasuke was crazy for even thinking about it. No. But the panic was rapidly grabbing him; there was no way to get away.

He stood up, not knowing what to do. Instead he rushed to the bedroom and shut the door close behind him, breathing fast.

**xxx**

"Let's see… Shit, I can't have forgotten…" Naruto was standing in the kitchen, preparing dinner. He searched desperately for the cookery book. He sucked at cooking. Sakura would beat him up if he messed up their anniversary. Oh, where was it?

He stopped abruptly when he heard a sound.

"Sakura? Is that you?" he wondered loudly.

It was dead silent in the house; his girlfriend was out buying something for him. Naruto frowned. He could swear that he had heard a sound.

Deciding that it must have been from the outside, he shrugged it off. The blonde continued to slice vegetables to smaller pieces. It was the only thing he knew how to do properly when it came to cooking. Except making ramen, of course.

Soon he heard the sound again. First it sounded like faint steps, but he realized that it was impossible. He was alone in the house… wasn't he?  
Then he heard something that sounded like a faint whisper. It felt as if there was another, invisible, presence in the room. Right behind him.

Naruto froze.

_You… you… touched him._

The teen gave a start. He suddenly got goose bumps. What was happening? The whisper was heard again. It sounded like a male voice.

_You… touched him. You took him. He doesn't and…_

Naruto's eyes widened. He dropped the knife on the bench. That voice…

A fraction of a second later, his last breath was violently pressed from his lungs.

… _will never belong to you. _

**xxx_  
_**

Sasuke buried his face in his pillow, mad from fear. What was happening? His brother couldn't have… he couldn't… It was impossible.  
But the message was burning in his mind. There was no other way. Itachi had gone to… kill Naruto.

_If somebody else ever touch you Sasuke, I'll rip their heart out and force them to eat it._

That was what Itachi had said, so long ago. Now the teen started to understand. Itachi had planned this from the first time Sasuke mentioned his friend's name. The young ravenette held back a trembling sob. He realized that his friend's life was in danger. And it was Sasuke's fault.

The teen brought up his cell phone, trembling. He called Naruto's number and waited impatiently for somebody to pick up. Thirteen signals, no answer. Sasuke's eyes were wide. What should he do?

He buried his face in the pillow again. It was his fault. He had been so stupid –

"Hush, my little brother. Don't fear, I am here." Itachi's voice was low and soft. He had appeared from nowhere. He stroked the younger's hair affectionately. Sasuke turned around and yanked away from him. His eyes were wide and shocked.

"Sasuke…" Itachi reached out a hand. "What's wrong?"

The teen had lost all feelings. "No… no…" he mumbled. "I-it c-can't be true…" He rushed out of the room. Itachi followed him after glancing quickly at his brother's cell phone. His latest message to Sasuke was visible on the screen.

_I will be right back, love. I'm just going to make me the only one in your life._

Sasuke ran blindly, once again not knowing what the hell he was going to do. He reached the closest room – which happened to be the bathroom – in time. He locked it behind him with pounding heart and sank down against the door. Itachi was at the other side a moment later.

"Sasuke open the door!"

"No!"

"Let me in, please! I won't hurt you!"

"No! I-"

Sasuke buried his face in his hands. The black, blistering words he had been about to spit out got stuck in his throat. His thoughts were spinning around wildly in his head.

_You're hurting me nii-san… why are you hurting me? I love you, but why..._

_Why can't you see my needs? Naruto was the only one I had except you. He just wanted to help us. _

_Why do you have to destroy everything? _

_**x**  
_

In situations like this, I want to feel safety. Feel that I'm alive. Feel that I'm loved; sometimes it's so damn hard. I don't know where I am.  
The feeling in my gut is hurting me. No matter what, soon I won't care even if it continues. That was my limit. And you just passed it. You have your flaws, but you just can't do that.

Even if you were with somebody else, I would have thought twice before killing that person. I wouldn't hurt somebody that meant something to you. What the fuck were you thinking?

I love you. I don't want to lose you, nii-san. But why can't you treat me right?  
I was so fucking stupid. I should have known from the start that this would happen. This wasn't going to be right.

"Sasuke, open the door!" His voice was desperately calling out to me, that voice that held so many temptations. "I would never hurt you! You don't understand!"

I refused to answer. A part of me was dying, I was crying. But I didn't want comfort. Not from anybody.

_Anything but empty words  
Give it to me where it hurts  
Anything just tell me something true_

_I`m no longer blinded  
By stories and lies  
Clearly now I see  
Right through your disguise_

"Go away!" I finally screamed. I wanted to tear my own skin off. My heart was too fucking weak to take this. Itachi was my life, but now he had hurt me beyond my whole existence. I had lost my parents, my innocence, my freedom, my only friend…

What was left? The love of my life. But right now it didn't feel like that.

If I lost Itachi too, I would go under faster than a crashing airplane. I knew I must go on, but how? His begging voice was still ringing in my ears.

I needed physical pain now; I couldn't stand the one inside of me. Soon I was abusing my skin with a razor blade over and over again. My pale skin was stained with the flowing liquid and I spend the rest of the day and following night locked into the bathroom, sitting with my back against the door. I wished I had some pills to misuse.

_This is how I see it _  
_ It`s time to move on _  
_ You had a chance and blew it _  
_ And now it`s gone, now it`s gone_

_This time I really mean it  
Alone I`ll be strong  
How does it feel to lose this?  
Now it`s gone, now it`s gone_

_**xxx**  
_

"Naruto? I'm home", Sakura announced happily as she entered the house with a couple of bags over her shoulder. She had secretly bought ramen and chocolate to celebrate their second anniversary. She took off her shoes at the door. "You better have started with the dinner as I told you…" Nothing but silence met her as she stepped into the house.

"Naruto?" she snapped. "Stop idling! What are you doing?"

Still no answer. Naruto's shoes were placed at the door, he must be in. Sakura frowned.

She couldn't help but to feel slightly uncomfortable as she stepped around in the completely quiet house. She headed to the kitchen.

"Naru - " All air left her lungs. Sakura stared with enormous eyes at the scene in front of her.

Dark red patterns across the floor, the counter and the fridge. On the counter was a tray placed, filled with perfectly sliced pieces of vegetables. The knife that apparently had been used was lying bloody at the floor.

Her terrified gaze followed the thick, violent patterns to a dark red puddle in the middle of the room. Below the table was something big and limp lying, covered with blood. The whole room was in a mess, chairs had been overturned and blood was everywhere. She could see that the limp creature had blonde hair.

A wordless scream left Sakura's lips and she sank down on the floor, unconscious.

* * *

_**To Be Continued**_


	7. The Only Way Out

**7. The Only Way Out**

Sasuke buried his face in his hands. The black, blistering words he had been about to spit out got stuck in his throat. His thoughts were spinning around wildly in his head.

_You're __hurting me nii-san… why are you hurting me? I love you, but why... why do you have to destroy everything?  
I let you come to close to me and this is what happens. I let you come to close. I wish you could feel what I'm feeling right now.  
_

_I am the one to lose, nothing is left.  
_

Sasuke slowly woke up, lying on the bathroom floor. Another meaningless day, everything was repeating itself. It took a while before he remembered what had happened. He didn't move, though, he had no reason to get up and move on.

When he finally left the room after days of isolation, just because his hunger became to much, he realized that Itachi had been sitting outside the door the whole time. Waiting for him. Sasuke looked down and almost stumbled over the limp body on the floor. "Itachi -"

"_Itachi!_"

The elder started moving as he woke up. "Sasuke?" he asked confused, sounding surprised like a child. The teen stumbled into his arms and they embraced each other tightly.

"Hell you scared me", Sasuke mumbled as he nuzzled the other's neck. Even though they were so close now, something had changed. Nothing was like before. It was visible in their eyes, the hard times were fretting into their souls.

"Little brother..." Itachi sighed contently and kissed his brother. They instantly started up a fight between their tongues about dominance. Itachi flipped his brother over and pinned him against the floor as his kisses became even more intense.

Sasuke struggled to get free. "Not now nii-san, I'm hungry..."

"I have a treat to offer you."

"I know, but let me have some real food before I starve to death."

Sasuke pushed his brother aside and and went to search for something edible in their battlefield of a kitchen. There was not much to find, Itachi was far behind with the purchases. The teen found some dried bread that he munched on. He returned to his brother and resisted the impulse to sit in his lap. Sasuke could not forgive him, not yet.

"Itachi, I want to talk to you about something."

"What?"

Sasuke's black eyes were gleaming with determination. "I want you to give me parole. If I -

"No." Itachi stood up and they looked at each other.

"But why? I want to prove that I can behave-"

"I said no, Sasuke. You're not mature enough for that." Itachi's face was stern and his jaws tightly locked.

"But give me a chance!"

"No, you'll stay here."

"For how long? Are you planning to keep me here for my whole life?"

Itachi didn't answer at first. When Sasuke impatiently had repeated his question a couple of times he snapped: "You will listen to me and do as I say."

A burning anger flared up inside of Sasuke and he felt the need to defy and scream. Why couldn't his brother understand?  
"Do you know what, Itachi? I won't listen to you. Listening to you makes me sick."

His eyes glowed with hate that had been suppressed for a long time. "You're the only person in this world that I allowed to come close to me, but now I fucking understand – it was just so you could hurt me! I hate you! I hate you! I _hate_ you so fucking much!"

The older brother was red-eyed. His voice was not raised and angry like Sasuke's and that only made things worse. Itachi sounded completely calm and that scared Sasuke.

"What about you, Sasuke? What about you? You have cheated on me so many fucking times that you're more like a common whore than my brother."

It was not expected by Itachi Uchiha to use such words, but he had reached a limit and needed to get his feelings out.

The younger gave a start. "Shut up!" he roared. "You locked me in here! I nearly died those days in loneliness!"

"You had everything you could ever ask for, Sasuke. It was just our parents you would have to leave. Apparently my love isn't enough for you. You had to fuck your own pals and everybody else to satisfy yourself", Itachi growled. He tried to not show how hurt he really was, but it was hard. Sasuke must have been able to read the complete despair in his eyes. "I was trying to save you from yourself, that was the only reason. I care about you too much and that is my biggest flaw."

"Shut up, I've heard that so many times! You were just fucking jealous, you couldn't stand the thought of somebody else screwing me!" the teen screamed. Itachi's words just bounced off him. Sasuke was furious and not able to listen to anyone right now. "But it's fucking over now! You can't control me anymore!"

"Sasuke", Itachi's voice was ice-cold, "I would never hurt you intentionally. But right now I feel the need to beat you unconscious; it's what you deserve and more after this behavior. I am you legal guardian and it's a pity that you have to be so mean, fake, foolish and defiant!"

The teen was enraged. He knew that Itachi was going to win this and the elder knew it too. It made Sasuke even more furious and somewhere in his mind he recognized those accusing words, but he desperately tried to shrug it off. He struggled to find something to say, but the arguments refused to take form on his tongue. Everything he had said and wanted to say just seemed like real nonsense, angry interjections without meaning. To his shock Itachi didn't stop there.

"You never listen to me, Sasuke. You are selfish and cold, it's always about yourself. The little brother I brought here was not like you. I don't have such a brother."

Sasuke's eyes widened and the anger was temporary forgotten. What did Itachi just say? Was he… denying his own brother? This was really not what the teen had planned. No, this could not be happening for real!

But Itachi didn't fall back. He stared at the younger with anger leaking through his calm facade.  
Sasuke turned around and ran away, furious and heart-broken at the same time.

**xxx**

_I remember a time when I didn't think. I was just so happy that you wanted me, Nii-san, no matter if you were using me. When we were lying tight entangled on the sheets, drenched in sweat, you on top of me and inside of me I was just so happy. I was so blinded; it felt right although it was wrong. You said "Let's reach heaven together" and kissed me. Both of us thought that we were going to keep Hell away. I was so weak and blinded; I let myself be controlled by you._

_It was so sweet and I thought it would never end. Love is crazy and hatred is madness. I have both; I feel both ways about you. That is what makes my passion even stronger. Maybe I will never recover from this disease of always giving in to you._

_You are my disease and this can't be happening. It can't be happening for real._

The rain was falling non-stop and the sky was gray. All color had disappeared, all life was gone. Sasuke felt as if he was the only person in the whole world since the only other person that he cared about wasn't at his side. Itachi had gone out again.

The teen wondered if he would ever return.

He buried his face against his knees where he was sitting in their empty living room. The feeling inside of him couldn't be described. His only love, his first love, did it still exist?  
Remorse didn't help a thing. It was only making it worse, just telling what he should have done or shouldn't have. What the fuck could be changed afterwards?

_I don't have such a brother_

_I don't have such a brother_

_I don't have such a brother_

Who was he? Maybe he didn't exist. Maybe this whole world was a mean joke. A really evil one.  
If that was so, why not end it right away? The thought was more tempting than anything Sasuke Uchiha had come across before.

He could see the titles in his head. _Yesterday night a young teen jumped from a bridge..._

Sasuke could hear his own scream in his head as he fell towards death and Itachi's roar of madness and sorrow as he watched him. He smiled to himself. It was tempting to end it that way... but there was more dramatic ways. Ways that would give him more pain.

Pain was what Sasuke wanted. It was a confirmation, a way to escape. A way to know that he was still alive.  
But he wouldn't be much longer.

He held up the knife in front of him. He didn't know when he became a masochist, but it seemed so tempting all of a sudden with that sharp blade. Just imagine the pain, the blood... which part of his body should he began to cut?

Sasuke couldn't keep himself from smiling.

.

Itachi was filled with regret. He had let his emotions come before his senses and that had been so unnecessary. Of course he still loved Sasuke, there was nothing that the kid could do to make him stop loving him. Even if he saw red sometimes, he was addicted to his little brother. So many times he had wondered if he made the right choice by bringing Sasuke with him. But without each other, none of them would be still alive in their hearts.

Itachi walked up to his brother as he became aware of what the younger was holding. If he only knew a way to stop it now…  
It was too late. Everything was too late. But it didn't mean that he was going to give in. He must save Sasuke.

"Sasuke, let go of that." Itachi's voice was firm and angry.

The younger turned around and smiled madly. "No." He held the knife right above his heart.

Itachi made an attempt to snap the blade from his hands but only resulted in being cut himself. Blood oozed from his arms and he growled. "Stop that before you get hurt."

"I am already hurt", Sasuke answered. Something had changed about him, he wasn't angry anymore.

What was going on? Itachi could feel his heart rush from fear. Suddenly Sasuke dropped the knife and it hit the floor with a metallic sound. He rushed away towards the balcony before Itachi had a chance to stop him.

The teen rushed out on it, climbing up on the balcony rail. Itachi's breath hitched and he followed him panic-stricken. Had his brother gone completely mad? What had he done to make him react like this?

The younger raven held himself in place with his hands and looked at the ground. Ten floors below them was asphalt waiting. A safe death. His smile grew wider. The adrenaline was flowing like a drug through his veins and cut his brain off from the rest of his body.

"If you come any closer, I'll jump", he threatened his brother.

Itachi was standing at the balcony door with a horrified and enraged facial expression. He was painfully aware that Sasuke was completely serious.

_How, how the hell could it turn out like this? _

"Step down", he growled. Realizing that his attitude only would make things worse, Itachi's voice became soft.

"Sasuke", he pleaded.

The younger looked at him, enjoying the broken emotions his brother showed.

"Please step down from the rail at once", the elder said softly. "You know that you will regret it", he continued when he noticed that Sasuke was listening. "You can't leave me here alone. I'm the only one who loves you, Sasuke. You only have me."

A shiver went down the younger's spine. His black eyes were wide, telling his brother that he had no idea of what he was doing. But he just couldn't let himself remain in Itachi's grip.

"Sasuke, listen to me. What am I to do without you?"

_Whatever you were doing last night. And the night before that- _Sasuke bared his teeth, emphasizing to the elder that he had gone completely mad. But Itachi's words were affecting him deeply.

"Stay here with me. Let me protect you, Sasuke. Only I can take away your sorrows. I will protect you from everything. I will shield you from everything. Step down from the rail."

_Step down from the rail. Step down from the rail, step down from the..._

The words echoed in Sasuke's head. He gripped the cold metal tighter, panic-stricken. His mind switched between happy and mad and between panic-stricken and shocked.

"Where will you go after this?" Itachi continued with unusual soft voice. "Where will you end up if you do what you're about to do? You'll end up with somebody that doesn't give a fuck about you. Nobody gives a fuck about you except me. I'm the only one who loves you."

Sasuke let go of the railing with one hand. Itachi's voice suddenly rose. All the convincing calmness disappeared and panic was audible in his voice.

"No, Sasuke! No, step down! Step right down, bloody hell!"

"No, nii-san", the teen answered. He smiled happily at Itachi. "I _won't _step down." His voice was soft, happy. "I will die."

"For God's sake Sasuke, STEP DOWN!"

Itachi struggled against every ounce of self-control he possessed to not rush over and drag Sasuke down on the floor in safety. But he knew that everything was hanging on a thin string and he knew his brother. If he moved, Sasuke would without hesitation jump.

Before his shocked eyes the teen seemed to debate with himself, shuttle between different moods and thoughts.

"Sasuke…" Itachi mumbled. His eyes were wide but soon adopted a calmer expression. Sasuke stumbled down from the rail and collapsed on the balcony floor. Itachi was still standing at the doorway and eyed him. The teen got up. His head spinned, he didn't know what to do.

He made an attempt to rush forward but Itachi caught him swiftly and pressed him against his chest.

"Hush, Sasuke. You're safe with me. I will save you from all choices and pain, truth and people who want to take you away. I'm here."

The younger gasped and his body went limp. He allowed Itachi to carry him back to the kitchen.

"There, there", the elder whispered and kissed him. "Stay calm, Sasuke." He released his grip a bit.

Sasuke's gaze was empty and he didn't seem to be in control of his own body anymore. He was scaring Itachi a bit, looking like a dead animal. Cold and motionless.

Itachi eventually let his guard down as his brother seemed safened. He supported him as he stood up and therefore he was completely unprepared when the teen suddenly regained strength and kicked him aside.

The younger threw himself at the floor. Itachi tried to regain breath and stood up. "Sasuke -" His eyes widened. "_NO!_"

Sasuke had already taken the knife and trusted it deep inside of his chest. Itachi was suddenly drenched in his brother's blood.

.

.

* * *

**To Be Continued**

**What will happen to the brothers? Review if you want more.**

**Preview of next chapter:**

_You will survive. Won't you? You promised me, Sasuke. You promised me._


	8. Meeting Again

**8. Meeting Again**

* * *

Itachi did not know where to begin. If he tried to gather and organize his thoughts that were scattered all over the hospital, he could only form it to a distinct feeling of chaos. Angst, even. That was something even he wasn't able to put together.

It felt as if every breath he took was connected with Sasuke's, as if he breathed for him.

The first hours weren't the worst. Then he could only move on with the panic and not allow any thoughts to settle down. The time stood still, the time was flying. He could ride on the wave of the care staff's words and actions and not do anything but to follow. He could deaden his heart and cut off his feelings. Only for the shortest of moments, but long enough to make him take his next breath. He had to take it slow – one breath at a time.

Not until afterwards his defense broke down and everything crashed down upon him. Itachi had never wanted to die more than he wanted to right then. If only he could.

He could only watch as everything changed, as strangers rushed past him, trying to save the life of his brother. He could only stare with emotionless eyes as he was shoved out of the treatment room where he had followed. But he could still hear and see everything.

"The patient is unconscious, no normal breathing, no pulse!"

Itachi snapped out of his stunned daze for a moment. He grabbed the closest nurse he saw and shoved her at the wall.

"_Tell me what is going on."_

She looked terrified."J-j-judging b-by the tests, he h-had drugs in his body, a-and it c-caused serious c-cardiac arrest -"

"What about the wound."

"The ribs took the worst damage and no vital organs were harmed -"

Itachi abruptly released her and she fell to the floor. He stared through the small glass window in the door and his knuckles whitened.

Of course it was not enough with a stabbed chest. Of course his damn heart had to stop just because he had too many fucking drugs in his body. Itachi didn't know how he looked, but judging by the horrified looks the nurses gave him he could just as well had been a monstrous alien from hell.

"Stop CPR! Start the defibrillator, analyze the cardiac rhythm! _**Everybody, stand back! Do not touch the patient**_! Apply the pads and connect the cables!"

How could this ever happen? Itachi had thought about it over and over again for the last hours but he only got back to the same point. There was no fucking explanation. He sat down on a chair next to the treatment room, still able to hear everything. The automatic voice from the defibrillator was practically echoing within him.

"Analyzing heart rhythm. Do not touch the patient."

_Please. Please. Please. I will do anything__**, anything. **Just let my brother survive._

"Shock advised."

_Not Sasuke. Not him, please._

"Shock now. Press the red button now."

_Sasuke, hold on. I am right here. Imagine that I'm holding you, I'm holding you safe._

"Begin CPR."

Itachi closed his eyes.

_I love you. I love you. I love you. But right now... I hate you for doing this to me.  
_

"Heart massage!"

_You will survive. Won't you? You promised me, Sasuke. You promised me._

_You fucking promised me! Don't you remember - _

"We won't make it!" somebody shouted. Itachi didn't even care to get up and strangle said person.

_Please._

There was a long silence, an abrupt muffling of the activities in the room. Itachi caught the eyes of a doctor who walked past him and spoke up: "What is happening with him?"  
All fury had left his voice. He only sounded broken.

"His heart is not pumping blood anymore, it's just vibrating. That is why we give electric shocks. He has gotten a heart arrest probably caused by a strained heart and some drugs. The wound in his ribcage will do things worse, but it's not the cause of the cardiac arrest. It's a kind of burnout.  
Only CPR, cardiopulmonary resuscitation, is never enough to start the heart. It only makes the brain survive longer. But CPR redoubles the chance of survival."

Itachi's eyes were empty.

"And… if the heart has already stopped, then the defibrillator is in vain."

Was this how it felt like jumping in front of a train?

"How's the state?"

"His state is acute and we cannot say how things will turn out. We've started CPR though, and hopefully we will manage to give him enough oxygen to save his brain from bigger damage. But we can't say anything—"

Itachi growled and stood up violently. He walked in straight opposite direction from the corridor and the room. As if he cared to listen to this fucking lesson while some much more important things were going on.

Now what? Should he just stay here and sit and cry in a corner in wait for Sasuke's revival? Dammit. He wiped his eyes angrily and didn't stop until he was in the other end of the hospital, as far away from Sasuke as he could get.

You know that something is terribly wrong when the love of your life threatens to jump from a balcony in front of your eyes. Where the fuck did they go wrong? It must have been rather long ago. Everything they did was wrong, Itachi realized.

_Caused by a strained heart._

Aside from the medicinal reason, Itachi was guilty. More guilty than he ever had been before.  
The fights and arguments he and Sasuke had – every day… was it all Itachi's fault?

Maybe the teen's state was caused by a heartache. Maybe Itachi had broken his heart and therefore it stopped beating. Maybe that actually was the case.

Now he was sitting in the hospital's cafeteria, sipping at some black coffee. His hand trembled and some of the hot liquid spilled out on his clothes.  
How was he supposed to go on if Sasuke did not survive?

How was he supposed to continue live here for many years ahead, knowing that his brother would never return? Never see him again, never see him smile or hear his voice. Never ruffle his black spiky hair or touch his beautiful body.

But on the other hand, it had been many months since Sasuke last smiled or wanted Itachi to ruffle his hair or touch his body. It had grown a distance between them, a distance made of rock hard ice that no words could overcome. But this, this was _for real. _There was no way to revive dead people or keep somebody alive forever. One just had to let go.

Those thoughts filled Itachi's heart with so much pain and longing that it would have caused a tsunami if he let it all out. Tears was not enough. What if Sasuke did not survive, _for real? _ What if his heart never started again or what if the lack of oxygen caused so much brain damage that he would never be able to talk or walk ever again?

Itachi stood up. He needed to get out of here. He never wanted to return, not to anything. Then he noticed a timid nurse half his height who discretely tried to get his attention.

"What?" he snapped.

"You may visit him now, Itachi-san."

**xxx**

Itachi stared at the scene in front of him. At first he could only make out a clutter of thin tubes in different colors, connected to the young body in horrible ways. Then everything else. Sasuke's limp body. His pale chest bandaged. His beautiful features damaged, his forehead wrinkled as if he was in pain. He laid there in a hospital bed, unconscious. This made Itachi realize for the first time how fragile it all was. Sasuke was floating on a thin line between life and death and at any moment he could fall over. If just something went wrong, then it all would end so quickly.

But at least they had gotten his heart to work again. Even with the help of a machine but at least, he was not dead. Itachi's knees almost bucked from overwhelming relief. The next thing he knew was himself rushing over there, wanting to hug his brother so tight and never let go. But the nurses stopped him.

"You have five minutes."

"Is he conscious?"

"We have managed to have contact with him for short moments, yes. Now he's asleep, though."

Sasuke's head turned from side to side and he mumbled something. Itachi carefully stepped over to him and sat down on a chair beside the bed. He stroked the soft, pale forehead and brushed some black strands of hair aside. He bent down and kissed his brother's limp hand slowly.

"You're alive."

That was the only thing that came to his mind - the only thing that mattered - and he for the first time realized the extent of what had happened. Just for now, everything was fine. Everything was alright.

"You will get better soon, Sasuke. I promise."

His brother's eyelids fluttered and soon Itachi could meet his gaze. To his horror, Sasuke's voice was barely a strained whisper, as if he was unable to spoke out loud.

"Nothing... nothing will get better even… even if I survive. What… would change?"

His voice was so weak that Itachi's heart broke into a thousand pieces over again.

"Just because…I... would become monogamous… what… would… change?" Sasuke was pale and panting as if there was an enormous effort behind his quiet words. Itachi's hand was frozen in his moistened hair.

"Hush, Sasuke. Don't talk so much, just rest -"

"No… I want to… I need… to say this… Itachi."

Sasuke struggled to raise his voice a bit and the elder could tell that he was upset. "Do you remember… what I said?" The younger was suddenly struck by a serious coughing attack and his hand filled with phlegm and blood.

"I believe in ways…. " He was pale as a ghost and his throat seemed so dry that his voice died away.

"Where there are no ways", Itachi completed his sentence.

_I believe there are ways where no ways seems to exist. _

Sasuke had told his brother this when he was very young. Itachi had laughed at his logic back then, ruffling his brothers hair and said: _That makes no sense, otouto. If there aren't any chances to find a way, then why do you believe in it?_

_Because I think we can still find it, _Sasuke had said. First now Itachi realized how true his brother's words were. He had been a fool back then that dismissed it. He still was.

Itachi was struck by angst when he realized how very much he shared with Sasuke. Thousands of memories, understandings, shared thoughts and opinions. If he lost that, he would lose himself. But maybe he deserved to lose it all.

He watched his little brother's face intensively. He bent forward until his face was just above Sasuke's.

"You will survive Sasuke."

He captured his brother's lips in a kiss to emphasize the power of his words. It was a short, sweet kiss that soon deepened.

The teen's eyelids slowly fell together. "Sasuke!" Itachi screamed panic-stricken and stood up. "Remember what you said! Remember! You will find a way –"

He was interrupted by a couple of nurses that rushed over to him. "Please, you have to let him rest, Itachi-san. He is exhausted. You must not tire him out."

Itachi breathed calmer and looked at his brother's chest that was falling and rising steadily. Sasuke's pale hand was firmly clutching his arm in his sleep. Itachi watched him and pearly drops made their way out of his eyes and slowly rolled down his cheeks.

He sat down again and waited until the nurses had left them. The visiting time was over but if anyone would interrupt them now, they would regret that they had been born.

"I am an utter fool, Sasuke", he confessed to his sleeping brother. "I can't _force_ you to survive. It's your own choice, remember? It's your own choice. But… but if…. if you don't…" Itachi started to cry wildly, without letting any sound escape his lips.

"Just make it through, Sasuke. There is nothing else I wish for", he whispered. "Create a way where there is none and… and…. just live. Just live. Even without me."

Itachi leaned over him again and stroked his sweaty forehead. Warm drops fell down and landed on Sasuke's cheeks, making it look like he also was crying.

* * *

**To Be Continued**

**So what do you think? Reviews are highly appreciated!  
**

Disclaimer: This is only written for fun (how cruel that can sound) and I apologize that there might be some medicinal related things that is not true. I take full responsibility however, but I'm not a medic and neither I've gotten any kind of medicinal education. So excuse me. xD


	9. All I Want

**Chapter 9: All I Want**

* * *

Itachi was not aware of anything. Not anything at all. Because there was nothing left.

Early the next morning they announced something.

Sasuke's heart had stopped.

Itachi's tears burned and he let his head sink down in his hands. His messy and unwashed hair fell around him and cut him off from the outside world. He was sitting next to his brother, not knowing what to do. The medics had to give him drugs to calm him down. They had managed to start Sasuke's heart again, but he had ended up in a coma and they had got no further contact with him.

Now Itachi's life seemed like an endless sky of blackness. The only sources of light were so faint and so far away that he thought he'd never reach them, never find the way out.

Sasuke was still breathing. And so was Itachi. But to him, it felt as if both of them had died. It felt as if an invisible ribbon of blood oozed from his heart and painted the floor, the walls, the whole building, the whole ground, the whole world red.

If anything, the darkness was slowly eating him up. Every day he visited Sasuke, watched his unconscious brother. He couldn't get himself to stay in the room very long at first, he couldn't even approach the bed. Just the sight of Sasuke's pale, expressionless face and the black hair that was surrounding it in delicate strands.. it was enough to kill him. But Itachi never left the hospital for a moment, he was always there, waiting, hoping, praying... or just not doing anything at all.

Only he and Sasuke were left in this world. And soon they would be leaving it, Itachi thought as he swept his hand through his brother's hair and his breathing entangled with the sleeping boy's, the sounds from the machine that kept him alive beeped regularly.

Sometimes he thought about bring a knife and kill himself the moment he pulled the plug that kept Sasuke alive. But they just couldn't disappear into nothingness, run away and disappear like some drops of water that was pouring down the sink to never return, just as his tears. They couldn't disappear like the rain drops running down the wells on the streets, or the water running from the trees and mixed with soil to become earth again. They just couldn't lose their consciousness and their lives, die away deep inside of the darkness, without name, without meaning, without anyone who knew about them.

Itachi had given up all hope. Outside it was always raining, inside he was always frozen. His heart had rotted away, his tears had dried. Inside of him everything still lived. Sasuke's smiles of joy and happiness, their warm hugs and sweet kisses...

When memories like that surfaced, Itachi would just lock himself in somewhere and drown his sorrow with alcohol. Days passed, weeks passed and the machine was still beeping steadily, Sasuke's chest was rising and falling, but he didn't move.

Sasuke saw only darkness. Darkness in his head. There was no way out, his eyes had stopped working. He didn't move, he couldn't think, but he had a feeling of loss inside of his unconscious body. He was floating around in a world without thoughts, memories or meaning. His body was sleeping, his mind was sleeping. Waiting to surface once again, if the coma only could give away for the pain and the real world.

Itachi was left alone, and he felt as if his brother was already gone. How long can one's consciousness be away from their body without they losing it? He sat beside the bed for hours, watching the rain fall outside and paint everything in dull, grey colors.

And he remembered.

**~xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx~**

"Five hundred dollar? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"If you pay, you know I will make you feel more alive than you ever felt before. Or is it that you can't afford me?"

Sasuke smirked and sent a challenging look to the customer. "Seven hundred and I'll give you a blow-job too."

"How much for a fuck without a condom?"

"Oh… let's see..." Sasuke pretended to count the money he already had received. "Then we have to raise the prize a bit. Eight hundred, and then a blow-job is included. Deal?"

"It's too fucking expensive. Find someone else."

"But…" The teen moved his irresistible, perfect body closer to the man. "I forgot to say that this is 'happy hour.' Tonight's your lucky night; you can fuck me for free."

Sasuke smirked and a second later he had the stranger pinned against a wall. "I'm not very picky tonight", he mumbled as he opened a pack with condoms with his teeth. "You will do for satisfying me."

His naughty hands traveled over the older man's body, roaming over his chest until he found the strained member, poking out through his clothes. He gave it a squeeze, dragging out a rough moan from the elder. Sasuke started to rub it with his left hand while he undressed with his other. The man cupped his chin and looked into his eyes for a moment, but Sasuke pulled him away.

"What's your name?"

"It doesn't matter. All I want is that body of yours –" Sasuke sank to his knees and licked his lips eagerly. Soon he could close his mouth around a piece of hard flesh, licking up its juices. The man above him panted and groaned eagerly. Sasuke moaned as he deep-throated the pulsing organ and let his jaw go lax.

The next customer paid more than required and fucked the young teen deep into the mattress. Three rounds later, when they were drenched in sweat, body fluids and the smell of sex, they spoke their first words to each other.

"Can I have your number?" the man wondered.

Sasuke smirked. "Forget it."

"Are you in a relationship?" his customer wondered disbelieving.

"Such a curious, naughty old man you are", the teen answered and bit his earlobe while climbing up on the elder man's body, naked.

.

When Itachi finally found his brother, he asked himself three questions.  
First; as he rushed through the heated night-club and into a back-room, whom should he kill first?  
Second, why the _fuck _had Sasuke started doing such nasty, filthy, shameless things as selling his body for money? The kid was _sixteen, _for fuck's sake.

And the third thing – how come they still where together? Itachi burst the door open and stepped into the back-room. The lighting was faint and he could only make out a mess of naked men.

Then he saw the whore himself. Itachi's eyes glowed red as he stepped over to his brother and gripped his arm roughly. Sasuke's hands were entangled in the hair of the man who was kneeling in front of him. The teen bucked his hips and moaned loudly.

Itachi forced his clenched jaws apart with big difficulty:

"Come. With Me. Right. Now."

Sasuke's eyes were half-closed and riddled with pleasure. He pulled his pants up and swayed over to a table further away in the room. Sasuke knelt over a small pile of a snow white powder. With a narrow drinking straw he sniffed it up in his nose.

Itachi threw him at the wall furiously. "What the hell do you think that you are you doing, Sasuke? Are you trying to kill yourself by staying here like a drugged whore? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

His brother was too high to listen, instead he attached himself to the elder and started to caress him, ripping sensual moans from them both. Itachi looked at the other men in the room with eyes that glowed fresh with blood.

"Get the hell away from here. If you have any further connection with my brother ever again, I will rip your throats apart."

Itachi pushed his moaning little brother against the wall and kissed him roughly, forcefully, demanding. "I just wanna fuck you so hard right now", he whispered. His hot breath sent shivers through the younger boy's spine. Sasuke enjoyed being submissive now, he enjoyed that Itachi was in control. The anger was not gone, it was only temporary forgotten.

Itachi ground his hips against the younger one and soon pushed his hard dick inside of him, groaning at the complete tightness and warmth that was clenching around him. He started to move, deeper and faster, each thrust pounded Sasuke harder against the wall and he found the boy's sensitive spot very fast. Sasuke's own arousal peeked and they adopted the same rhythm, they panted in sync and sweat was trickling down their sensitive bodies. Sasuke finished rather soon; he was very tired. Itachi came deep within his sibling and then he rested his forehead against his, panting.

Some hours later they were still left at the club. They moved to another room and shoved some guys out of a bed before starting up another round of heated love-making. There was no answer, no questions anymore.

Closed eyes and heavy breathing… moans and gasps, mixed together in a heavenly symphony of sounds.

"Make me scream."

Sasuke was flipped over and he rocked his hips forward, trying to impale himself even further on that stiff member. He rocked their bodies close together, bent down to lick at his brother's lips, connecting them with strings of saliva. Hands were wandering down his body, digging into his slit and gripping his ass cheeks. He shut his eyes tightly as he came, moaning and screaming loudly in wild passion.

"ITAAACHIIII!…"

"Move, Sasuke…" Sasuke did as told, blinded by the sensations of his repeatedly abused prostate. "Mhmmm…"

Itachi kept his grip around his ass and made him move even faster. Sasuke loved the feeling of his dick, deeper, deeper into him. The pleasure made them delirious. When they had finished, he collapsed on top of Itachi but didn't slide off his cock.

"Get out from here, fuckers, I'm going to…" Hidan opened the door and shoved them aside from the big bed, dragging some random guy with him. Probably a guy, Sasuke didn't see anything in the darkness of the room.

He felt Itachi's strong arms lift him from the bed and they began put on their clothes again. He gripped his brother's still huge erection as they did it, not satisfied yet. Itachi groaned and gripped his body tightly, grounded their groins together. "Sasuke..."  
The younger teen wrapped his arms around the elder's neck and moaned into his mouth. Itachi spun them around and pinned Sasuke against the wall as he thrust into him again, enjoying the feeling of his cock being swallowed completely into that tight heat.

_Mhmm, Nii-san is making me and only **me** feel good. No one else. _

Itachi pounded his brother against the solid wall, gripping his hips tightly enough to leave bruises, ignoring the moans and whimpers from the bed in the same room.

"Nii-sahhnnnn…" Sasuke moaned loudly and let himself be completed in the sweetest of ways.

Everything is repeating itself, and so was Itachi's memories. This was how it all had started. Sasuke had escaped from their apartment again and started his prostitute work, and they ended up fucking just as passionate as ever. That was then. Would it ever happen again?

**~xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx~**

Outside the hospital windows water drops fell from the trees. The window panes were covered with crystals. Itachi held his brother's hand firmly and squeezed it, wanting to reach him. He watched Sasuke's chest falling and rising slowly, regaining strength.

"Otouto."

Black orbs staring up at the world above, the light reflecting in his awakening eyes.

"Nii-san."

* * *

**To Be Continued  
**

**Now I want you to review and tell me what you think!**


	10. Why Do I Love You?

**Chapter 10: "Why Do I Love You?"**

* * *

I wish that I was stronger. Strong enough to do what is right for us, what is right for you, Itachi. This had been going on far too long and we will both lose our minds if this continues any longer. It's so hard to handle these feelings.

Maybe I was blinded. Yes, most probably I was.  
I really don't know what happened, what made us lose our ground. You're standing there now, brother, looking at me with those painfully familiar eyes.

And I'm lying here – saved from a selfish choice that I made on my own, without thinking. I just felt that I wanted to escape this. I wanted to break the bond between us by just driving a stake through our hearts, but that would not work. I know that you won't let go of me so easily, nii-san, and neither I will let go of you.

Every day to the end I will keep on loving you with a force that breaks my heart and I will never speak another word about it. We thought that we could overcome everything with just being at each other's side. Forever, you and me. But things ain't that easy. Things can change so easily.

I couldn't tell you how I felt and you couldn't rely on me. I felt that every day of our lives was balancing on a thin line. I had to be someone else than myself to fit with you. That is made for breaking up, isn't it? It's strange how stupid we humans are. I will hold on no matter how wrong and consuming our relationship is, because I will die without it. And no matter this choice I'm taking right now, I won't regret loving you and I won't regret any moment we spent together. I would rather never have been born that never have got to touch your skin and be able to talk with you. Nii-san.

It's better to have loved somebody than never loved at all, don't you think?

And I know that those times when we reached heaven together, just you and me… it was worth the fall we're experiencing right now. And it was worth having so many dreams about you and me and then watch them fall to pieces.

You can't see the way you hurt me, and you constantly treats me like a child. How can something so painful and wrong still be called 'love'? It tears us both apart, and we're abandoning ourselves for the sake of this. From the very beginning, something was wrong. It's all or nothing – and there is no other way for us two. I need you to keep my very being alive – but I'm so sickly tired of this. You made me strong with this, nii-san, and therefore I cannot take this anymore.

I'm stronger now. And I know what I need to do.

**xxxx**

Itachi stared at his brother that once again was conscious. Sasuke stared up at the ceiling for a long time without saying anything; the only signs of life were his falling and raising chest and his eyelids that closed now and then. Itachi wanted to go over to him and touch him so badly; he wanted to hug him tightly and kiss him and ask him how he could ever had thought about abandoning him. But he was frozen on the spot, his whole body felt as if was nailed to the ground.

He was now realizing how utterly close it had been – how close it was that everything turned over like a sinking ship and sent them to darkness.  
His heart ached in a way he had never felt before as he watched his little brother coming back to life, slowly, softly. He remembered those pain filled thoughts he had before:

_Sasuke, If you die, I will die too. I will take my life if you die. I won't let you wait for me._

And now…

He was alive. Alive. So strange the word suddenly sounded... almost bitter.

Suddenly he felt that he could not take any more stress. He almost ran out of the hospital room and continued down the corridors in straight opposite direction. Itachi sank down on a chair and buried his face in his hands, breathing slowly to try to gain his composure back. He blocked all thoughts but Sasuke's face was burned to his eyelids.

After a while, a nurse came looking for him. "Your brother wants to see you."

While they walked through the white corridors, he asked her:

"What will happen to him?"

"When the patient has recovered, he will be placed in rehab."

"What?"

Sasuke would never want that. Itachi could hear his voice in his head: _Are you fucking kidding me? Rehab, no way in hell. Fuck you I'm fine. _

"Why will you do that to him?" Itachi asked violently.

"Itachi-kun, please try to think about it. When a sixteen-year-old tries to commit suicide, we have to find out which circumstances led to that event. Unless you were directly involved in that accident –"

Itachi growled. So they were accusing him of attempt to a murder all of a sudden?

He left the nurse behind and hurried to Sasuke's room. He stopped at the door and looked into the room. Sasuke sat in the bed with his back leaned against the headboard and he seemed less pale that before. He was steadily recovering, and Itachi both feared and yearned for the day when they could go home and continue where they left off.

Sasuke didn't avoid his gaze. They stared at each other from afar, and everything that they never said remained in the air and filled it with tension.

Sasuke's cheeks were healthy colored and he had gained much strength back, but still there was accusation in his dark eyes. Itachi knew what he wanted to say: _I'm here because of you. I can recover from this, but maybe I will never recover from our relationship._

Itachi could have left him on the floor in their kitchen and let him die, but he didn't. Itachi had saved him, but still it was his fault that Sasuke ended up like this in the first place. Itachi stared back at Sasuke, with all emotions mixed up and made his facial expression unreadable.  
Sasuke, who had saved him from eternal loneliness and sorrow. Sasuke, who had betrayed him.

_"I believe in ways where there are no ways. I believe we can make it together.  
But even if I would become monogamous, it wouldn't change a thing. Our problems wouldn't disappear like that. Right?"_

Both of them were having an internal struggle and none of them could make out the right solution in all this. Four years had passed since they first fell in love, and although so much had happened, nothing had really changed. Sasuke bit his lips and stared at Itachi. _Don't forgive, don't forgive_, he told himself firmly. _Don't forgive him. _But it was so easy to give in, to forget all untold anger when his brother looked at him with this kindness and sorrow again.

After what seemed like an eternity, they moved again. Itachi took a step forward with outreached arms. "Sasuke, I'm so glad that you –"

It took all of Sasuke's willpower to not throw himself into his brother's arms and forget all bad times. He stopped Itachi's movement with a firm gesture of his hand.

"Don't come any closer."

Itachi stared dumbfounded at him and the kindness in his eyes closed like a butterfly closes its wings. He stared at Sasuke with helpless confusion.

"What is that supposed to mean?" His voice was barely asking, already sensing.

Sasuke collected himself and let his voice stay hard and not give any room for emotions. No more emotions. "It means that it's over. We can't proceed."

"Sasuke…" Itachi still stared at him; he hadn't processed the information just yet.

The teen became annoyed. _Don't make it harder for me, nii-san. Please. Otherwise I'll break._

"Didn't you hear what I said? I'm breaking up with you."

"You don't mean that", Itachi spat. "What happened to the brother who said 'your name doesn't matter' before he fucked every guy in the town? What happened to the Sasuke that I knew, the one who would never let go until the day he died?"

Sasuke's gaze was determined and held no doubts. "I do mean it."

Itachi's heart must have stopped beating for a moment or two.

_Why? _

Then it all – the fear, the shock, the endless questions crashed down upon him.

_No._

_Don't do this to me, please God. It's a joke, isn't it? It must have been some kind of misunderstanding -  
_

Sasuke straightened up in the bed and held his arms in front of him, as if he was putting on some kind of invisible defense. "You're not good for me. Now leave this room and never come back."

Itachi was still going on sheer autopilot, he hadn't realized yet. "What about you?" he croaked.

"It's not your fucking business anymore", Sasuke hissed and gave his brother a fierce look. "I'm cured anyway. Now get gone!"

Itachi gritted his teeth. "You expect me to just leave you here alone after everything that happened? You almost died. It might happen again. And what will you do without me? Where will you go?"

He stepped closer when he saw a faint glimpse of uncertainty in his brother's eyes, but it was soon gone.

Itachi chuckled dryly. "Always so stubborn…" He was showing off an already rather cracking facade, but inside of him he was broking down to his very molecules. There was nothing left of him.

Sasuke forced all feelings back. "Just disappear from my fucking life already, Itachi! Will I have to empty my whole fucking vocabulary to make you fucking understand? I'm packing you in. I'm breaking up with you. I'm walking out on you. I'm dumping you. I'm splitting up with you. I'm leaving you. I'm finishing with you – _I hate you!" _he roared.

_Why are there so many different words for breaking up with someone?_

Itachi searched desperately in his brother's eyes, but the only thing he saw was his own reflection, standing there shocked and crestfallen. He couldn't think of something to say anymore. Something was so deeply shocking inside of him, it was numbing his body from inside out and he did not know where to turn. Sasuke's big, black eyes were glimmering in the light from the lamps but he could not see a single thought taking form in them anymore.

He left the room without a word.

_What I feel will never change _  
_ All tomorrows fall on yesterday _  
_ 'Cause I love you still _  
_ Yet I love you, love you still  
When there's nothing left, I will hold on _  
_ I will love you still_

* * *

_.  
_

**_- 3 months later -_**

_.  
_

* * *

Sasuke was rather surprised but nevertheless annoyed when he opened the large envelope he had gotten from the hospital. He read the information letter and crumpled it to a small ball in his hand.

So they were going to "examine" him. They had to know which things that led to that "accident" several months earlier. He looked at the attached formulary and read the description: _Are You Living In An Unhealthy Relationship?_

Too bad for those fools, he was not having a relation anymore. He didn't have a single one.

He threw the envelope at the bin and clutched his head in his hands for some moments to clean it from bad thoughts. He started to prepare for going to work. Nowadays he was trying his hardest to create a good life. He worked, and considered to proceed with his education. But he was a rather strange seventeen-year-old anyway. At nights he was always at home. He didn't hang out with his friends and he didn't see anyone. He just stayed at home, and sometimes he visited Naruto's grave.

When he came home from work, he was both exhausted and furious. Seeing the damned envelope lying where he left it made it even worse. Deciding that he could just as well use it as fuel for heating, he opened it. The questions burned his eyes. _Has your partner ever prevented you from seeing your family and friends? Has your partner ever shaken you or pinned you against the wall in anger? Is your partner sickly jealous?_

Sasuke stared at those seemingly endless questions, and memories were surfacing his mind. He closed his eyes as he felt his heart start to beat faster.

So much he still wanted to say, so much he wanted to tell his brother. Sometimes he hated him. Hated him with a hatred strong enough to burn his skin from the outside. But still, every single day since they parted, he had struggled to stay alive. Sasuke ripped the formulary to pieces and threw it all away.

He opened a small pack with something he had gotten from a friend who lived further down the street. He let it fill his nose and felt how an instant feeling of calmness spread through his body, starting like a warm puddle in his stomach and spread through his veins until his brain felt zombified, like a vegetable. Right now he felt so good. Right now there wasn't any troubles in the world he could not solve. It was like an extended form of orgasm, when everything felt so blissful and hatred was far away.

But afterwards… he would suffer such a downfall.

Sasuke stumbled around in the apartment until he found what he was searching for. He picked up the razor blade with empty eyes. He was still living in a world where everything was about him and Itachi, and he would never forget. Only these moments could bring him some relief…. when he couldn't stand himself.

Right now, when he hurt his skin, he felt no pain. There was no pain, not in his heart neither his body. It felt like a solution. But it wasn't.  
He cut a long wound in his arm, from his wrist to the very end of his elbow, making the blood overflow and land on the floor in crimson puddles.

_I will never forget your eyes… looking at me so tenderly, yet filled with sorrow… _

Sasuke took a shaky breath and cut himself again. Then the razor blade fell to the floor.

_But you weren't there to catch me._

His legs trembled and he collapsed. He could feel his knees hit the floor, then his face.  
And there he lay, defect and broken, bathing in his own blood. Sasuke's hand rose to scratch at the floor beneath him, then his body went lax again.  
He closed his eyes, but he could not shut out the picture that was burned on his eyelids. Itachi's face… his hands… his body… his goddamn breathtaking body.

He couldn't erase those times when he had wanted to die, being locked up in their bedroom… and even if he didn't hate Itachi right now… he couldn't forget. Nor he could he forget those time when he had felt that he loved him more than his own life.

Sasuke could not move, nor did he want to. He just lay there as the hours passed by, motionless.

_Right now… I' m spreading my wings… and you're here… with me. No matter where the fuck you are right now.  
_

_**x**  
_

"Sasuke… are you really sure about this?"

The younger boy smiled and hugged his big brother tightly. "I want to, nii-san!"

Everything went slow and softly, that first time they made love.

Sasuke's cheeks were flushed with happiness and they looked each other deep in the eyes as Itachi climbed up on him. Their soft skin made contact so smoothly. This was only beautiful, it was right. Itachi bent down and kissed him softly and Sasuke tilted his head up. As the elder slowly entered his brother, he embraced Sasuke's smaller body tightly and looked into his eyes the whole time. When Sasuke whimpered from the first pain, Itachi whispered in his ear how much he loved him. And when he started moving, Sasuke felt as he was sent to heaven and back each time.

Itachi moved slowly to let him adjust to the new feeling and they held on to each other the whole time. Occasionally, they would moan softly in sync and Sasuke felt that everything, everything was perfect. They made love sweetly and carefully, and when Sasuke finally reached the white bliss, he could hear Itachi whisper "I love you", above him before he also came. Breathless, Sasuke rested his forehead against his brother's and they could feel their hearts beat in sync.

"I will always love you", he whispered before he fell asleep by his brother's side.

**_x_**

A tear ran down Sasuke's face and as he slowly opened his eyes, he realized that he was not alone anymore.

You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks or even months over-analyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could've, would've happend, or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the fuck on. Itachi had chosen the first option, even though he really never had a choice.

The hardest part about letting go is to realize that the other person already has. But he refused to believe that Sasuke had meant what he said, despite everything. Every minute since they parted... he had just walked around in the same circle of emptiness. It was consuming every part of him. It was not the same thing as loneliness, it was something completely different. He didn't remember how it felt to be alive. But he remembered how it felt to love, somewhere deep inside of him.

And how he had lived for these past months, just waiting for each second to pass. That he spotted a familiar black-haired figure on the street earlier was just a sheer coincident, the next prank that God had played on him. And now he was standing there, looking at Sasuke with the same eyes as before.

Sasuke stood up and looked emotionlessly at him. He collected himself for a moment and tried to find the same anger as before. "There is no way back", he said. "We're not getting anywhere. We've already lost it all. "

_Every time we lie awake_  
_ After every hit we take_  
_ Every feeling that I get_  
_ But I haven't missed you yet_

Still, he couldn't keep Itachi from touching him. And when he did that, everything returned. Sasuke let his face be caressed by his brother's hand and felt desire rise in his veins. He let Itachi explore his body again and cup his chin in his hand, making them look at each other. Itachi's hand was already roaming over his body and Sasuke lost all his defense.

Their lips met, tenderly, and Sasuke couldn't think anymore. His tongue obediently backed off and gave room for his brother's. Itachi licked eagerly at the soft inner walls of his mouth while Sasuke's hands became eager and went under his brother's shirt. The elder's tongue intruded his mouth over and over again, coating their lips with mixed saliva. Sasuke closed his eyes and pretended that the last months had turned into dust.

He had thought that he had erased every part of him that still was attached to his brother. He had thought that time was going to heal his wounds, that he could forget. But it didn't work that way, and he knew it all to well. Their gazes met and they felt that nothing was going to stop them anymore.

_Only when I stop to think about it, I know_

_Only when you stop to think about it, do you know_

Itachi gripped his face with both his hands and kissed him with such passion and overwhelming lust that Sasuke lost all control. His drugged body reacted ten times as strong as usual and suddenly he felt a mad need to just have him plunged deep, deep inside of him. He let himself be pinned to the wall and he raised one knee, going in to rub between Itachi's legs. The older man's rough groan in his mouth made him even sure and his last resistance disappeared.

Itachi moaned and sucked at his neck while Sasuke tore desperately in the fabric of their clothes. He stroked his brother's hard-on until Itachi growled and they ripped their clothes off with their teeth. They collapsed right there on the floor and Sasuke dragged Itachi on top of him. Nothing could help them now, nothing was going to stop them. There was no escape from this but to give in to the inhumane needs. And he spread his legs.

Itachi thrusted into him and the familiar pain-pleasure made Sasuke erection spring to life. Itachi intruded him almost violently and didn't stop until he had his balls pressed up against Sasuke's ass cheeks. He released an insatiable groan at the feeling of Sasuke's inner walls clenching around him so nice and tight.  
Sasuke's last thought was _fuck it all. _Itachi was suddenly everywhere, he was inside of him and all over him and he just screamed at him to _move!_

_I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?  
I hate everything about you  
Why do I love you?_

Then it all started over. Itachi pounded into him with the strength of all things that hadn't been said and done. He was straddling the younger body and his hips pistoled the younger's over and over, ripping a groan from them each and every time the head of his dick hit his brother's prostate. He let his hands roam over Sasuke's body, played with his erect nipples and stroked his reddened member, that was leaking just as eagerly as before.

Sasuke moaned over and over again as Itachi thrust his dick in his hand. His body arched up from the floor and his toes curled from intense pleasure. The feeling of blissful pleasure was so strong that he could barely see straight anymore, and he was already fighting against the overwhelming need to cum.

He enjoyed this like the sweet flames of hell, the feeling of his brother's hard manhood pounding into him, hitting his sensitive spot so hard and well-knowing that he could only throw his head back and scream in bliss. Itachi's face was screwed up in pleasure and he groaned Sasuke's name as he slammed into him.

Sasuke felt his orgasm approach rapidly, so he grabbed his sibling's hips and helped him to thrust even deeper, and met his movements each time.

"Ahh… ahh….Sasuke… Oh... shit... clench tighter... ahh..."

Sasuke could feel his brother's tense muscles work to intrude him even deeper and sweat was trickling down their bodies. He felt Itachi throbbing inside of him and he moaned loudly.

Finally, Sasuke threw his head back and let out a loud moan as he came spurting all over their chests and abdomens. Itachi stroked his pleased member for a moment before driving him even harder than before.

_You hate everything about me  
Why Do You Love Me?_

Itachi grunted when he felt a familiar heat start to pool in the bottom of his stomach and he could feel himself growing stiffer and stiffer. With a deep groan he released his load deep inside of his brother. He rocked his hips a moment or two to rode out the orgasm and then collapsed on him with a moan.

Sasuke was flushed and gasping, lying beneath Itachi with cum leaking out of his ass and his whole body drenched in pleasure. Some of his semen had attached itself to his chin. His black hair was erotically messy and his mouth slightly open. Itachi pulled out of him a moment later and fell down on the floor beside him with a sigh.

_I hate_  
_ You hate_  
_ I hate_  
_ You love me_

* * *

_.  
_

**Author's note:**

**Finally some yaoi! What do you think, girls? ^^  
It took me a whole day to write this chapter so now I want reviews!  
And by the way, we're approaching the end of the story...  
See ya!**


	11. Until The End Of All Time

**A/N: Okay, I've had lots of troubles how to end this story but now I'm pretty satisfied (read it in which way you want ;). So let me explain some things in beforehand: This is the last chapter.  
Please don't hate me for the ending; I chose what I think is the best option for a complex story like this and I hope you like it too. I do wanted to make this story a bit more than just PWP – I want to show the beautiful side of the fic too and give it the ending it deserves. xP **

**Why Do I Love You Chapter 11: Until the end of all time**

* * *

Everything was a daze of blurriness, and when Sasuke finally woke up his eyes held the same emptiness as before. He was lying on the hard floor, his body entangled with his brother's, only having a shirt draped over his body. He could feel Itachi's soft breathing against his collar bone and his soft black hair was spread over his chest. And Sasuke's heart had burst again. He remembered all that happened during the night before, and he was lost.

He lay perfectly still in the cold air of the room, staring at the ceiling. There was nothing else here now, they were alone in empty, black space. Completely alone. He had both dreaded and longed for a moment like this, and now it was reality. His body was pressed against his brother's and he realized he once again had fallen into the same routine. Done the same mistake, done everything he promised himself to never do again.

Sasuke reached out his arms as if to touch the sky above, wanting to stop the world from spinning in his head. How he wanted this moment to last for all eternity, but it was impossible. It was dark outside the windows and he wanted to be in those safe loving arms again, those who promised to always keep him safe.

He wrapped his pale arms about his brother's neck and breathed his scent. He wouldn't be the person he was today without Itachi, he would be no one at all. He let the thought burn him for some moments, bring the feelings from yesterday back.

Slowly he pushed the other body aside and sat up. His brother stirred in his sleep and mumbled his name. Sasuke silently put the shirt over Itachi and stood up, searching for his clothes. He wanted everything to disappear, he wanted to get away. His body felt sore and worn out from the violent love making last night; his exposed neck and shoulders were covered with love-bites. And still he could feel that maddening love burn so painfully in him when he watched his brother's bare back and shoulders slightly rising and falling as he breathed.

But Sasuke had fought to keep them apart, and soon he wouldn't have the strength to fight anymore. He was lost; he didn't know a single way out of this situation but to give in… or fight while he still could. He found his boxers and jeans and put them on. As he searched for a clean shirt – not that he actually cared was he was wearing anyway, but he wanted to feel purified, at least on the outside – he got sight of himself in the window pane and quickly moved his gaze. He couldn't look himself in the eyes anymore.

He had drowned in his dreams, dreams that were crushed and made to be broken apart. And there was no other way than to leave. But he found it so hard to move – he could barely tear his gaze off his brother, who was slowly waking up on the floor. Sasuke had put his shoes on and was ready to disappear, but something was keeping him where he was. It was so hard to let go... he hated it so much. Maybe he made this choice because he was the one afraid of being left alone.

He was not going to cry. Never ever. He wasn't going to act out like a toddler either – he was going to stay here with eyes that were completely drained of emotions and watch the most beautiful person in the universe sleep, just for another moment… another minute…

"Sasuke… stay with me." A mumbling voice, so soft and longing.

Turning around, the teen's eyes flashed with rage. _How dare he? _Those affective words that was breaking his spirit down made Sasuke leave the apartment in a hurry, overwhelmed with anger. I'm going to show him, he thought bitterly, that I've grown. I can live without him, I don't care about him. I'm over him. For the last fucking time, he is going to stop affecting my life. I'm stronger than I've ever been and I'm fine living without him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him so fucking much – Dammit, why does this have to be so hard? Why can't I just _decide _to hate him and why can't my heart be fine with that? After all, _I _am the one deciding what I feel. Right?

I don't care about him. I don't care at all. Well, I care, but I don't care _that _much. Or -

A raging rainstorm met Sasuke the moment he put his foot on the street. Inwardly cursing everybody and everything within sight, he started walking towards nowhere. Water was running down his face and clouding his sight but he didn't stop.

And still, why did it feel like this? Already from the moment yesterday when they were in complete harmony, loving each other with a shocking passion, it had felt so right. And when he woke up this morning, Sasuke had realized something that had scared the shit out of him. He was falling in love with Itachi _again_. As if Satan hadn't done enough harm already. But a part of him didn't hate it as much as he should. A part of him wanted everything to be like before.

He stayed where he was, in the middle of everything, streets and traffic, turning his head up towards the sky. He was falling so hard that he didn't know if he would land on the earth ever again. Every touch between them was as clear as crystal in his mind, hurting and gnawing on his sanity.

"Sasuke!"

_No the hell you don't _was his only thought as he started running again. He was out of breath, cold and frozen, but nothing mattered anymore. He wanted to scream at his brother to stay away, but he knew it was pointless.

And his brother was there behind him, following him through the streets. Sasuke was still running, although he knew it was a lost cause. His eyes were wide open, glazed with rain drops, and his whole spirit was already turning back. Back into the arms of a person he never should have left. But what good did it do now when everything was too late?

His steps led him to a return path, as if he knew that he wanted to be captured. Sasuke stared through the rain and knew he wasn't able to let go. Not now, never.

He bit his lips as he was pushed towards the rough brick wall behind him, and his body was pressed tightly against his brother's clothed body.

There were no words to be spoken any more. His hands were trembling, gripping the fabric of his Itachi's rain coat helplessly. But there was no fear - only need.

He let his head fall backwards against the stone and exhaled sharply, feeling his brother's eyes looking at him, but he didn't have the strength to look him in the eyes right now. Hell, he would gladly admit in this moment how weak he really was, that Itachi had been the strong one through all this shit he had put him through. But Sasuke didn't even have the strength to cry.

Itachi lowered his head and he remembered those weeks when Sasuke was lying unconsciously in the hospital bed, with heart that was no longer beating on his own. He remembered the indescribable horror he had felt, what he would do if his brother never woke up again. Itachi remembered those days when he had been told to leave the hospital and go home for a while, and how he had been standing in the rain and just screamed out Sasuke's name, screamed with emotions that were too strong for words.

With tears burning in his face, endless tears, nothing else but hollow memories that destroyed him from the inside. And Sasuke was here in front of him now, the same Sasuke who Itachi couldn't live without. The same person… whom he still loved. His hand was gently resting at that pale face and he waited, waited until Sasuke finally turned his gaze towards him.

And when he did, Itachi leaned forward and kissed him.

It was no short, sweet kind of kiss, and it was not a lustful passionate thing either. It was just a deep, sensitive kiss that could allow their hearts to communicate. Sasuke tilted his head up and kissed him over and over again, raising his hands to drag Itachi down towards his face. It pained now, it hurt, but it was a good pain.

And they were not driven by lust and desire; they were both clear-minded and despairing. Their tongues gently lapped at each other, and they hardly broke apart for breathing. Itachi closed his eyes and tears slipped out of them, dripping down his chin. Sasuke struggled, he struggled to let his tears ease the pain inside of him. But the kisses from his brother were more effective than any painkiller, and after awhile the despairing feeling started to disappear… and it began to feel _right._

Right like it always should have been. And there was no "should" now, there was only the two of them. And that was when violent sobs started to rip through his body and he felt Itachi softly finish the kiss. A moment later his arms were embracing him tightly.

"Sasuke. Look at me." Itachi had opened his eyes and the younger boy's gaze met them. "You don't need to cry", the elder whispered and held him tight. Sasuke rested his head in the crook of his neck, like when they were younger, and he was unable to hold back the sobs.

"Why?" he asked shakily.

His brother buried his face in his hair. "Because I am here."

Tears started cascading down the younger boy's face and he just nodded. He could feel Itachi's hand stroking his cheek lightly, comforting. Sasuke had completely run out of resistance and buried his face against his brother's chest, pouring his heart out. It hurt now, it hurt, but it also felt right. It was surprisingly pleasant to be able to cry again.

He could feel Itachi placing small kisses in his hair and the mad tension departed from his body, leaving him sad like a little child who was receiving comfort from his big brother. He felt Itachi embrace him tightly and the rain was on fire around them, but nothing else mattered. He felt the comforting scent of his brother surround him and warm his body. He sniffed and wailed and sobbed, and Itachi didn't move. He just continued to stroke his hair.

After a uncertain era of time, Sasuke straightened his back and looked up at the dark grey sky that was pouring its water down on them. His bangs were lying flat against his face and the rain was running through the opening in his jacket and cooled his body down.

He could feel his brother's smooth, cold hand in his and he squeezed it for a moment. They let the rain drench their surroundings and it was all that existed until Sasuke turned his gaze back to Itachi.

"Of all things you've taken away from me, you can never take away my love."

It was a statement, simple and bold. In the next moment he felt his brother's strong arms lifting him up bridal style, pressing Sasuke's frozen body against him. Itachi's beautiful face was smooth again, but there was hope and safety in his eyes.

"Let's go home now, Sasuke."

Glistering drops running down everything they touched, the puddles on the ground was making everything reflect the world above as the rain started to fade away.  
Itachi walked slowly back from where they came, holding Sasuke against himself. The younger teen closed his eyes and in his heart, they were happy.

And before he knew it, they were back. The angst was gone from the air, and Sasuke knew he could face whatever was to come.

He felt Itachi's lips searching for his and he reached up and obliged. It was now the old sweetness came over them – every kiss brought them to the highest throes of ecstasy and everything was beautiful. Sasuke could feel himself be carried to his bedroom, and he was too happy to notice how well his brother seemed to know his apartment already.

Itachi tenderly placed Sasuke on the teen's double bed and told him to stay there while he brought him some dry clothes. Sasuke did as told and looked up at the ceiling again, already feeling much warmer than before.

His older brother gave him some other clothes and when they had changed, he lay down beside him. Sasuke nuzzled into his chest without a word and wrapped his arms around him.

There were hard times, when their relationship just seemed to fall apart. And there were good times when life was wonderful. It was easier to breathe now; the storm was over for the last time. The jealousness and all anger were easier to handle now; they knew where each other's limits went. And they knew that after all this time; their hearts was still beating for each other and for no one else.

Many tears had been shed and the hurt was great, but somewhere in the middle of the chaos a seed was growing. A seed that was fed of the hate-mixed love, growing to be something beautiful. Sasuke closed his eyes and nuzzled his brother's bicep. He could feel Itachi lower his head and kiss him gently for what felt like the first time in ages.  
This was how it used to be. Pure love, a more innocent kind of love that couldn't keep them in a vice grip anymore. Sasuke could still remember the rage and how desperate and sad he had been, but that was over now. This time they would be able to make it through together. They had found another part of themselves that they really loved. They could not be apart any longer. The memories would always remain, but everything was turning lighter again. Now they would be like a real couple. They would start over.

Soon they were both asleep, tightly hugging each other. In his sleep Sasuke could hear the sound of his brother's heartbeats and he knew he was safe.

He woke up some hours later feeling cold, and he realized he had left Itachi's embrace in his sleep. He sat with his sleeping brother's head in his lap for a while and slowly caressed his forehead as he listened to his breathing. The ties of his heart helplessly bound to his brother, and no matter what the world thought, they would remain this way, in harmony. Bitter-sweet was his love, but it was good. He wasn't afraid anymore.

As he let his finger carefully run through the black hair, Sasuke spoke up:

"Even if this would be the last moment we ever spend together, I want this to last. And no matter what a complete idiot I've been, I won't make this more complicated, Itachi. I will always love you and you sure as hell can't change that."

After watching his brother sleep in peace for some more moments, he lay down again and fell asleep with his arms tightly wrapped around his Itachi's chest. He was still far away in the land of dreams when his brother gently kissed him on the lips.

"I know, my dear little brother", Itachi mumbled and touched his face. "And I will always love you too."

.

.

Sasuke and Itachi died in a car accident the same year.

.

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**

**~Epilogue~**

At an old cemetery the night is slowly sweeping over the sky. The endless lines of tombstones are shadowed beneath the large weeping willows surrounding the place. Their branches are long and fall smoothly down over a small pond. Its dark blue water is glimmering slightly in the sunset. The sky is still soft blue and it's just the early beginning of autumn. Everything is still and quiet, the world is slowing down and going to sleep. Here, in the odd beauty, so many souls are resting; so many bodies are turning into earth again. Here lies beloved friends and family members, people that was taken from the earth to early and never got their chance to live, or people who are getting their final rest after a long life. This is the ending station of their human lives, the beginning of something new.

In a shadowed place, in the corner of the cemetery that everybody seems to have forgotten about, two tombstones are standing to themselves. No one ever visits the place. Someone has planted a red flower there long ago, red as the violent love that once blossomed in the hearts of the humans buried beneath it. It is still blooming, but soon it will turn to earth as the winter comes.

Itachi and Sasuke Uchiha do not exist anymore, but they are not gone. No matter how close you look, you would never see it, but it's true.  
Someone is sitting on one of the tombstones. Only one other person can see him, and no one else realizes their presence.

The young boy smiles and rests his chin in his hand. Usually he doesn't smile. But today he has a reason to.  
The other boy walks over to him and put his arms around him. Sasuke is safe in his tender embrace, and he rests his head against his chest, listening to the soft voice.

"It's time for us to leave, don't you think so?"

The hardest part for humans, saying farewell. It's easy for someone who doesn't breathe anymore, however. For them the next world, the other side is waiting.

Sasuke nods. Today…

The death is not the end. If it was, then it's no point in living. Death is the start of one's new life, a new existence… somewhere else. And even if they are gone and we can't touch them anymore, they are still here. They are alive, somewhere and they leave a inerasable memory behind.

Their gazes move further away towards some trees on the other side. On the other side of the cemetery, Naruto is buried. There he has been since he was killed at the age of sixteen. Sakura is now buried at his side. She could not get over him, but still she lived her whole life in wait for someone else. But now her last wish is fulfilled and she can, after a long and empty life, rest by his side.

Sasuke and Itachi have not aged a moment since their death, however. They have waited for so long, and now they know that their parents are waiting for them. Over fifty years has passed since they passed away, but they remember everything.

Sasuke is happy. He will finally meet his father and mother again. He barely remembers their faces, but he knows that they will finally be a family. And Itachi will be by his side the whole time. Because their souls are connected, and nothing will ever bring them apart. No matter what happens in the afterlife, their existence will be forever intertwined. Where Sasuke go, Itachi will go, and what Itachi see, Sasuke will see as well.

It time to head for the bright world up there. This was not the world Sasuke sought those times when he attempted to commit suicide, nor when Itachi wanted to die.  
This is a world above the soft clouds, a world where there is no bad blood and no anger. There they can rest in safety for all future.

Sasuke takes hold of his brother's hand. Their hands together, like it always should have been. He is protected by his brother's loving arms, and they'll stand through all this together. The sky can fall down around them, but nothing can stop them. Tonight they are more alive than ever before.

Itachi smiles and their eyes meet, as always. In each other's eyes they can find the truth. Both of them remember – the first thing they saw when they opened their eyes after the accident – they saw their corpses and how they had held hands in that final moment before the car was accidentally rammed by a truck and was crushed, killing both of them instantly.

Sometimes… life is so short.  
When the car was opened later, the medics could not even separate the corpses. Blood mixed with blood.

An unfortunate accident, as the investigators said. But they couldn't find a single living relative to the two young men who met such a cruel destiny. No one was at their funeral, no one was mourning them. But they woke up together and then they always had each other.

Sasuke leans closer to his brother, but they cannot touch each other – they have no bodies anymore. He has yearned for so long… to be able to hold his hand for real, to hear his real voice, to feel his soft skin… they are only empty holograms now, an image of who they once were. Sasuke can't cry anymore, no more real tears. But his eyes can still become glazed. They could have had a whole life in front of them – loving each other. But sometimes things go awfully wrong.

And it still breaks his heart when he thinks about it – he haven't been able to really _feel _his brother for all this time.

Their only choice is to head for the next world. Maybe they will be born as new beings, but they will still be together. Until the end of all time, until nothing exists anymore. They will not be apart for a single moment. And Itachi will be there comforting his baby brother when he is afraid. This is the ultimate end – but also where they start.

Itachi raises his hand and wipes a tear away from his brother's cheek, but he can't really touch him; he can't take the tear away right now. "Don't cry, otouto. It's time to leave." Sasuke embraces him tightly. He can still feel the energy that is Itachi, even if he can't feel the warmth from his body anymore.

Side by side, they raise their gazes to the sky above. In their minds they can already see their parents, far away. And no matter what awaits them, he knows he will be safe in his brother's arms.

"Go first", Itachi mumbles. Sasuke slowly lets go of his hand and turns around. He knows that he must part from him for the shortest of moments, and it's hard to do it.

Itachi smiles reassuringly and the younger teen frowns. "I –"

"It will be fine", his brother smiles. "Don't look so sad - I'll be right behind you, Sasuke. All the time. We only part to meet again."

Sasuke leaves the earth for all future, reuniting with his past. He will leave his old body behind and take shape as something new, in a world made of love. Itachi leaves a right after him. A moment later he is by his sibling's side again, and with eyes filled of tears and happiness, their souls connect. Sasuke takes hold of Itachi's hand and know that as long as his soul mate is by his side, they can live forever like one beating heart. There is nothing to be afraid of.

And this is the end of their sorrow and the hate, the end of bad blood and caged anger.

Sasuke finally knows how to say something. Something that he has wanted to say for such a long time.

"I'm sorry."

And Itachi squeezes his hands. "Me too. And you know it doesn't matter anymore." In this moment, they are more alive than ever before. They never died and they are just waiting for life to start. In this moment everything is alright.

**~xxxxxxxxxx~**

**The End  
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**A/N: And now my wish is, please take the time to review. Love you all!  
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